My Truth about Staying in Shape during Pregnancy

Before I got pregnant I was in pretty good shape and I always told myself that when I get pregnant I will do everything to stay in shape. I said I didn't understand how women would not work out or how they would use pregnancy as an excuse. Well, hello reality! I very well understand  it now. 

During the first half of my first trimester I was still recovering from neck surgery but had kept my shape pretty well considering the circumstances. Then, nausea hit me and it wasn't just the kind of nausea that would go away with the simple tricks your doctor or the media would tell you. I had (and still have) extreme nausea and take medication to help ease it at least a little bit. 

Anyway, I still managed to make myself workout at least 4 times a week but then I got sick with the flu which I dragged with me for an entire month. It was  impossible for me to work out. I walked the dogs - that was it. I could watch myself, or my fitness that is, go to hell. I felt (and still feel) like a fat, lazy kid who enjoys eating more than physical activity. It scares me at times, because it is not like me at all.

Well after a month of laziness and overindulgence in "bad" or comfort foods I finally made it back to the gym again: 

We CrossFitters keep track of our times and I was by far the slowest on the board today. A year ago I would have laughed about this workout: today I cried. 

I realized that I am not that fit mom I always wanted to be. It is in fact not always that simple to be what you vision yourself to be, I already knew that, but I am very determined and I persevere. But this got mom ideal just doesn't seem to be working out for me at all even though I was in great shape before or when I got pregnant. 

At first, I felt like a failure, as if I let myself down because I let myself "go". But my truth is that I just listened to my body and that was to take a one month break and also to eat whatever I wanted. In the end I will be ok. Working out today felt like I started crossfit for the first time in my life but it also showed me that it is ok to be slower and weaker. I get a chance to start over in perfecting my movements and technique. 

It's not easy to accept to be less strong and slower than I used to but it is what it is and it does not mean that I am weak. After all, my body is changing in ways I have never experienced it. I guess what I am trying to say is that it is ok to be imperfect. Even though it is painful not to meet your own standards and ideals, it does not take away your worth. It is all relative. Life is unpredictable and provides the greatest challenges. All we need to do is accepting our truths. 

Pregnant and not wodding

Before I was pregnant I always said that I will work out during pregnancy and that I don't see a reason why I shouldn't. 

Well, already during my first trimester, I noticed that I simply could not do it. As much as I wanted it, I was physically or mentally (or both) not able to do what I had promised myself. While it's been very hard during the first trimester primarily because of nausea and shortness of breath, I have been sick all of my second trimester so far. At first, I pushed through but then I realized that what I was doing was not good for my body, so how could it be good for my baby.

It's been an internal struggle and I had to surrender myself to it eventually. Almost 4 weeks without physical activity does not make me feel good, but at the same time I know that I made the right choice.

Yet, I am scared, because I am getting "fat and lazy". I now understand why women gain weight during pregnancy, why some say they just cannot work out and I can also see how you get sucked in a cycle that will keep you lazy and getting even fatter. I sometimes think, I shouldn't care and just worry about it once the baby is here but I am also scared I won't find my way back into training and good shape. Right now I am just scared to be in even worse shape Han I would think I should be. I hate to disappoint myself. And I truly hate that I have to admit that I am not that woman, not that pregnant mother-to-be who can kick butt despite pregnancy. In fact, there are so many things I probably could still make myself do that I simply don't because... Because I don't know! No reason! I feel like I have given up. And I feel like this baby is taking it all away. 

It's going to be an interesting second have of my pregnancy and I hope I find some enthusiasm and energy to fight my "laziness" that's come about by my nausea and tiredness and feeling off. 

Weeks 15-17 pregnant, sick, flying and NO exercise

Week 15: The week before Thanksgiving I started to get sick. I worked out Monday and Tuesday before but probably shouldn't have. I felt worst on Thankagiving, and better again on Sunday. It was quite difficult to not work out knowing I was going to be gone for two weeks when working out would be even more of a challenge. 

Week 16: I flew to Germany and felt googd the day of the travel until I arrived and sat in the car from Düsseldorf airport back to Cologne. I had to throw up quite a bit. Maybe because I hadn't been taking my diclegis (nausea/morning sickness meds). I had another episode driving to Bremen for a day the following Thursday. I decided to hold of with working out until I felt better. So I did and I went running and did a mini body weight wod Saturday the 6th. I felt good while exercising and wanted to keep doing it every day, but the next day I started to feel sick again with a sore throat, cough and runny nose. The rainy and cold weather didn't help either. 

I gained 5ibs duringn that one, well two weeks of not wilting out and I am scared to death I will keep gaining. It's not hat I could say it's because I am pregnant. It's truly because I am sick, lazy and eating a lot of food, including loads of Christmas treats. I whether my food evey day in my log and even though I do not have a surplus of calories I am gaining- clearly because of what I am eating. I am starting to be terrified about weight gain. I am starting to fall into very old patterns and being sick is not helping to overcome those yet. 

Yet I know I need to get over this cold before I can really start tackling my activity decrease to increase it again. 

Week 17 has just started and I am about to lose my mind over the whole gaining I weight and losing fitness issue. 

The holidays need to be over. I need to be healthy and fit again. This pregnancy has been far from enjoyable and I have thoughts of failure creeping in and fears that I won't be able to return to my old shape after the pregnancy... 

Where is my determination and discipline these days? Is this normal in pregnancy? To doubt everything and be frustrated with everything?

Ugh. 

It's ok to suck! You are making a human!

At first I boringly titles this post with "pregnant, sick and frustrated" but then I remembered that I had just posted my current mantra to a friends FB post. She was talking about affirmations in crossfit and how she had used "I can trust my legs!" At last weekend's competition in which she had to do some heavy front squats - a lift that's not her strongest. 

I guess, I need to remind myself of he "this is where I am at right now". 

Nevertheless, here is my original venting post abou being sick, pregnant and frustrated.

So, I caught a cold that I don't seem to get rid off. Nevertheless, I decided to go to the gym and WOD. I'm still not sure whether this was smart or not. I have not been able to hit weights I should be able to, nor have I been able to breathe. 

But, working out made me feel good in the moment. Who knows, maybe I will feel better tomorrow, or after Thanksgiving. 

At any rate, being sick has made me feel even worse about myself and I have encountered some depression and frustrations. 

I checked my weight this morning and I am doing just fine in terms of that, however, I feel like a fat kid and my body has blown up like a water balloon although my weight has not really changed.

Before pregnancy my weight has always been somewhere around 140-150# with a body fat of 16-20. I'm pretty sure my body fat now is through the roof but my weight is at 150# at 15 weeks. 

I usually don't worry too much about weight but now that my strength (and muscles) has decreased I am getting frustrated and anxious.

Maybe this is just a phase, but so far pregnancy has been nothing but nauseating, frustrating, and long... And I am just 3 months in. 

Sorry, but I needed to vent today. 

Being pregnant is different for everyone. Unfortunately for me it's no fun at all. 

Pregnant 14 weeks and 2 days

This week was kind of tough. I bought a cold and only managed to work out Monday, Tuesday and today - lifting sessions primarily.

Going in today I did not perform as well as I though I should or could have but I guess I need to remind myself that a strength day after being sick and in bed for three days usually is not a super awesome day. 

This was on the plan after the warmup;

1. High Hang Power Snatch -3RM then 2x5reps @-10% 

My 3RM was 30kg

2. High Hang Power Clean- same

My 3RM was 50kg

3. Push Press - 3x3 AHAP 

For me 2x@45kg and 48kg

1 rep post-surgery push press PR at 50kg

I need to work on my rack, my elbows come down and the bar does not sit on the shelf. 

Generally a good workout to come back to just didn't feel it. 

This weekend I'll be judging at the MBS Turkey Challenge and I really hope I myself will be able to compete next year! 

Lifting Day

A little Bit of lifting

Warm up, iron scap

Work up to 1RM Strict Press

Press 95# post-op PR

Then

1) Squat Snatch (85% X11, 88%x1, 90%x1)2 at 36k, 38k, 39k

2) Clean and Jerk (same scheme)4 at

56k, 58k, 59k

3) Front Squat 3x3 AHAP

60k, 65k, 70k

Half-marathon row anyone?

I did it. 

Before my surgery, I think sometime in June, I rowed a 10k and I remember I did not like it very much. It took me about 45minutes. The last record I have of a 5k for time is at 21:25 from January 2014. Obviously being pregnant and being 3 months post neck surgery I was not expecting to be anywhere close to that today.

Originally, I wanted to just row an hour, but I was over 10k after an hour and told myself to go to 15k and see. At 15k I felt like it was not worth stopping so I went all the way. 

I did not stop once: just did a few one-armed stroked to take sips of water or change songs on my phone. 

The next time I do this, I will need to have a playlist, that's for sure. 

The hardest were 6k-9k and then 18-21k everything else did not feel bad at all. Every now and ten people would come stop and chat, and that helped a bit.

I only went at like 80-90% and could carry out a conversation through the row. 

Bottom line, it was fun. Next time I hope to be doing it at 90-95% - obviously post baby but I learned that this was not awful at all and actually quite enjoyable. 

Here is my result: 

A split time of 2:11 was only happening in the beginning and the end. I stuck around 2:20 for most of it with the occasional 3:10 one-armed strokes :)

So, if you have nothing to do this weekend, go ahead and row! 

13 weeks pregnant and PRing

Granted, I am not PRing to the degree of my pre-surgery state but yet, I am making progress and feel like calling post-op-PRs...

So, I improved my FGB score from 207 at 4 weeks post surgery to 318 at 12 week post-surgery. Both times I did not do Rx weights to have an actual baseline and comparison score. I used 35# on the bars and 6# on the WB. I am sure he next time I'll do it Rx again and who knows maybe then I'll even beat my previous Rx score. 

I have found any body weight and upperbody strength exercises very challenging. Not only have I lost stamina but also strength in all areas. Yet, my lifts since surgery have been steadily increased even though my pregnancy is progressing. 

A few 3 rep max lift PRS I achieved within the last 7 days:

Deadlift 3RM 107kg

Snatch balance 3RM 35kg

Jerk 3RM 55kg

Backsquat 3RM 84kg

Squat snatch from boxes 3RM 38kg

Squat Clean from boxes 3RM 55kg

It's been challenging to take back on intensity. But then I read this wonderful article 

http://www.birthfit.com/2014/11/12/prs-during-pregnancy/

The problem for many, pregnant or not, is that they don't know what it means or feel like to be listening to your body. 

It's something hat took me a while and sometimes I struggle with the idea of "am I listening to my body or am I being easy on myself today?!" I feel like it's part the process of learning what's body does, can do and will do under certain circumstances and with certain desicions I make. 

Being pregnant, however, does put me at a position of not only listening to my body for my own sake but for that little peach that is growing inside me. 

I have learned to take more frequent breaths but I also try to push myself to a point that makes me feel acomplished. 

I am hoping my second trimester will bring back some energy and who knows maybe some more post-op PRs!

Pregnancy Week 11

               Our baby at 9 weeks! 

Food: 

I am starting to feel a bit better and my appetite  seems to be returning. I am still taking diclegis to help nausea and vomiting. Sometimes I am even craving certain foods (primarily complex carbs, such as Pumpernickel) but I have another week of my nutrition and lifestyle challenge to go thorough before I can indulge "limitless" in dairy and carbs again. 

I am currently eating tons of fruits (smoothies, bananas and nuts are my go to foods) I have notice weight gain in areas that bother me. Though he scale, hasn't changed much. Obviously, this may be further pushed by being pregnant, feeling bloated and generally "full". 

Workouts:

I worked out 5 times this week and noticed strength loss. Not only on upper body movements and lifts but also in my legs which is very strange and unusual for me. I was able to Frontsquat 175 but it was super heavy and my jerk only went up to 125 this week. Not to speak of my miserable attempts to dip and do strict pullups. While I am still trying to renounce and recover from neck surgery, I am not happy. 

WOD times also are significantly slower. I have identified several reasons

a) I am not willing to push myself as hard because I am scared I could harm the baby and 

b) I get out of breath unusually fast

c) it's in my head that I "should do better" and how I feel like a failure. 

On some wods I even opted to use lighter weights (very unlike me, unless I can physically not do them, but this week I really could have). 

So WODding has been not as much fun this week. Primarily, because I found myself in self-destructive self talk episodes coupled with passion- and motivation-lacking attitude towards the WODs and myself.

Lifestyle: 

I dragged myself to work every morning this week and on days I didn't have errands to do I took long naps after lunch. Generally, I have been fairly active this week though but I did not get all things done around the house that I wanted to. My husband and I did spend some eves wodding and snuggling together which made me happy and content despite the negative feelings I have had about my body and myself this week. 

Feelings and thoughts:

This week, I have noticed that I am increasingly frustrated about my decreasing performance. Especially my stamina seems to have disappeared. 

I know that part of it has to do with surgery as well which is just 2 months passed now. But it is very difficult for me to not be one of the leaders of the pack at my gym. Plus, everyone else is hitting PRs and improving. 

Sometimes I just can't believe that being 11 weeks pregnant makes me so much weaker. 

I've heard people say the second trimester was different and that the body will regain strength and tiredness will pass as well, but I am skeptical. However, I am not going to give up and I even started running short distances again. I am missing out on the next games and comps season but I want to bounce back as quickly and strong as possible. 

Yet, I am scared I won't. Not because I couldn't but because I will have a baby to take care of which will limit me to the possibilities of doing what I want when I want. But why worry about this now? 

Most important for me now is to get my body image in check and think about aome dietary changes for when the semi-paleo challenge is over. (I had done 6 weeks of strict paleo before and my body did not respond well to it that time either, so I am looking forward to eating what my body really needs and cutting back on some of the things I probably shouldn't have as much (aka bananas and nuts). After all I grew up on potatoes and my ancestors did - still hearing Oma's voice "Iss deine Kartoffeln! Während des Krieges waren wir froh, wenn wit überhaupt welche hatten."

First run post surgery and with baby

I'm 2 month post op and 10 weeks pregnant and ran 4k in 27minutes today. Slow and steady! Felt so good! I really need to pick up running again - I forgot how good it makes me feel, despite the negative thoughts about how slow I am. I think that's why I even quit a year ago and it's so darn stupid. It makes me feel good just like a hard WOD or nice lifting session. 

My baby must have enjoyed it too - didn't feel quite as nauseated for the rest of the day. Just didn't want to cook anything and stuck with a light dinner and tea. 

And I found an email that I have an online interview for a position I would really like. So tomorrow... A new day :) 

Life is good! 

Recovery and Pregnancy

Big announcement: we are 10 weeks pregnant!

The reson for my break on posting was primarily a result of morning sickness. I have been tied to my bed and bathroom for several weeks, only slowly improving. Needless to say, CrossFit has become secondary. It's been difficult to accept that I have to actually take a break on serious training. I'm not going to quit altogether but intensity and volume will not increase as planned post-op. Maybe this is a good thing as it will allow my body to fully heal, who knows?! But it surely makes me sad a bit to not be kicking ass during the opens in 2015. Have to wait for 2016.

On the upside, while my recovery from surgery went extremely well and I have been cleared by my doctors and called fully recovered just two month post cervical foraminotomy, I will now ten this blog towards croasfitting while pregnant and dealing with issues around being a first time mom. 

So keep checking back for stories and insights on my personal journey! 

Rest days

The beauty of rest days is that you can and should still be active. 

I took my dogs for nice long walks, did hard work and then some light weight training and mobility. A beautiful day without any stressors. 

Just wished I could turn down the voices in my head that tell me I need to work harder, and have all these things to do. 

It's hard to train your brain to be ok with stillness and with rest but it's worth it. I'm sure tomorrow I'll be full of energy. 

Here is to rest days. 

Snatches, Cleans and Deads

Yesterday was rest day. I took the dogs for walks and did some mobility and PT exercises. Today, despite noontime exhaustion, I went to the gym and did e following:

Iron scap

Int/ext rotations

1k row in 4:26

Snatch work 

Power and squat up to 85# and felt good

Clean work

Squat clean to 120# and power to 125#

Deads

Deadlift 3RM to 190 and 1 RM to 230

Then mobi

20# kb lift ups and tgus

Strict banded pullups

Planks

Just another Wednesday Workout

This is day 11 of our 8 week (or approximately 57 days long) nutrition team challenge. I didn't sleep well, had to get up early and didn't get to breakfast before 8am. Had a small snack before I went home and forgot my water... That really showed in cravings around 1.30. I wanted pumpernickel so bad... Haha,but I had a couple of eggs and tuna on greens and olive oil and curbed the cravings. I went to PT and the gym and got tired quickly, had my recovery protein , went home, had a balanced dinner and snack and must say: I better hope this diet is working.... I'm getting tired of the cooking... 

And I start missing some items...

Anyway, working out is going well and I am looking forward to hitting heavy weigts and metcons again soon. 

45' PT

1k row in 4:25

Snatch practice

Up to 75# squat snatch

Up to 85# power snatch

3rds

5Toe to bar

2 banded strict pullups

5 10sec L-sits

5 kb reaches @20#

5 TGUs @20#

Garage WOD

Didn't feel like going to the gym so I warmed up by cleaning the garage and then accumulated 

100 tricep extendions with 6#

100 Arm raises with 6#

100 airsquats, 25 with 25#plate

100 lunges, 40 with 25#plate overhead

50 sit-ups

40 push-ups 

30 leg raises

20 deads @75#

20 cleans @75#

20 clean and jerk @75#

Yoga/Stretchibg cool down

Squats

Another day working out. It feels so good to be back. I'm weaker but that's ok. I'm just having fun for a while, maybe a year. 

I worked up to 175# 1RM front squat today. It was heavy but I made it and will slowly improve. 

So today:

45' PT

Iron scap

5x 250m Row sprints

Fastest at 1:48 split

5-5-5-3-3-3-2-2-1-1 

Working up to 1RM front squat 

Ended with 175#

3-3-3-2-2-1

Working up to heavy overhead squat

Failed at 100#

5-5-2-2-1-1

Working up to heavy bench

Failed at 95#

Superset 3-3-3-3-3

Push-ups 

Banded strict pull ups

Mobi

Sunday, Sep 21 Workout

Starting to do post-op testing

As part of our 8 Week Team Challenge, I have to log my workouts every day for a week, to get  daily lifestyle points. I usually do so anyway, but will do it on here, to make sure.
So today for my workout I tested some maxes.

Mobi

Iron Scap Sequence

Push Jerk: worked up to 120# 1RM
Push Press: worked up to 95# 1RM
Press: worked up to 85# 1RM
Deadlift: worked up to 230 1RM

Mobi

Back at the Bar.

Wednesday, Sep 10: Allowed to start lifting LIGHT again!

PT guy allowed me to start lifting LIGHT again!

Iron scap

Airsquats

Leg swings

Couple push press 15# and 35#

Couple OHS at 15#

Couple sumo deadlift high pull at 35#

1' on/off for 10 minutes row at damper 1

3x10reps/sec
Planks

Curls

Tricep extension 

Kb push

TGU

Saturday, Sep 13: Nutrition Challenge Kick Off WOD

Fight Gone bad
207 reps
at 6#WB,35# bars, step ups, damper 1
3Rep Max Deadlift: 125#

During the week, I went to PT Mo/Wed and to the gym to do tricep extensions, light dumbbell moves, iron scap, strict banded pull ups, some lifting, esp. OHS at light weights. Just to get used to the bar again,

Friday, Sep 19: First day without the neck brace

I'm close to week 5 post op and had my neckbrace off for the first time since surgery. Did hot yoga core26 and felt ok. Not great and obviously lots of work to do on mobility but I managed it and held each pose at least once.

Then on the rower at damper 5 I did 4x250m sprints around 1:53 splits 500m. 

Then some dumbbell and barbell work to get moving and stronger! And I will. One step at a time.
I did a mini WOD of
5Rds untimed
5 banded strict pull-ups
10 10# Wallballs
20 alt. tire step ups
20 alt. 15# dumbbell curls

Then a Plank tabata and 20 alt. turkish get ups with 15/20#

Saturday, Sep. 20: Bikram #2

I did Core26 again and already managed a little more.
Cleaned the house, and I am able to take our Mastiff (and Saint) for walks again. One at a time, but that's safer anyways! It's been nice in Colorado. Warm but not too hot. Fall is slowly coming.
For the coming week, I will log my WODs each day on here, since it is part of our Nutrition challenge. So far, I have not lost a point and I am super proud of it. Feeling good, despite some headache on day 5, and some grumpiness on day 6.

Nutrition Team Challenge - Day 1

I decided to do a nutrition and performance challenge at my gym. It started yesterday with a pre-WOD. 

Still in e brace I had to modify it of course: 

3RM deadlift and Fight Gone Bad

I hit 125 and 207 reps with a 6# ball and 35# bar. 

It was pretty exhausting but SOOOO much fun to be back. 

I started working out a bit more since Wednesday when I was cleared to do so by my PT guy. 

I am concerned a little bit about some pain in my shoulder. I may need to get that checked out again to rule out anything else. 

But my scar is healing well.

The challenge started well, although I didn't gain any bonuses for great performance. I hope I'll improve by the end of it. 

We had measurements and pictures taken.

My weight was at 147# with 115 LBM. 

My goal is to lose some fat and gain some more LBM. So ideally, I'll stay around 145#.

We have a 30 day strict paleo rule after which we can add in dairy and some other items. I think the 30 days will be challenging but today went surprisingly well and I am pretty stoked about cleanigg up my diet and getting back into even better shape than before my surgery! 

Here is to health and fitness! 

First post-Op soreness!

Im excited to announce that 17 days post-op I am feeling sore again for the first time since my surgery, well technically since June... 

I did some yard work and cleaned the kitchen, plus a 3k walk with 200 lunges and 200 airsquats yesterday; and today I am feeling it and it feels SOOOO good :)

That's all! 

Good night! 

4 positive side-effects of being an injured Crossfitter

Being injured sucks, but I believe that in every negative there is something positive. 
If you can't see it right away, go look for it! It's all about how you approach your situation, and how you turn your mind towards positive thoughts and use your energy to strengthen your mentality.

Over the last months, I found the following to be true for me.

#1 Detaching from the Whiteboard

The whiteboard and its numbers are just relative. 

Many of us get attached to the whiteboard. I remember when I started CrossFit, I didn't even think I would be able to do a WOD in a "good" time or rx. A couple months in, I was able to rx, got my first pull up, toe to bar, and - to my surprise - noticed an increased time spent in front of the whiteboard. It had become a motivator and a "check-in point" before and after each workout; a way to measure not only my gains but also where I stood in comparison to others at my gym. Signing up for the Opens and completing the open WODs sometimes even fairly successful put this motivation on a whole new level... 

Then came injury. At first it was difficult to see others do so much better but with a little bit of time, I learned to detach myself from the whiteboard. And it's been cleansig in a way. I admit, whenever there is a WOD that I know I would have kicked butt, I take a look at scores and take a mental note. I may even do some of the WODs as part of my training plan when I return - and I know it will be motivating. 

#2 Mastering WOD Modifications

 Listening to the body sometimes means
to not put more weight on the bar

We turn to our Coaches when we are unsure how to do a movement or if we feel like we need to modify. They guide us and advice us. Where I train, we can usually chose to do the WOD at one of three levels, with L3=Rx. Also, our coaches are not only attentive and knowledgeable  but a great resource for ideas and help.
However, if you are injured over a prolonged time, you quickly learn to come up with your own modifications and WODs. I am not saying that my WODs are great but they allow me to use weights and equipment that I can handle or that I even have at home. 
Even when injured, I want to feel good about my workout and still challenge myself in ways that I am ok with. After all, the coaches are not in my body and only I really know what I need and can do. 
That's what's so wonderful about CrossFit: you can (learn to) modify everything. You won't be able to compare yourself to others on the whiteboard anymore, and if that's what you were thinking, how about you read #1 again. :)

#3 Seeing True Colors 

Being injured shows you whom you can trust
and who you can count on. 

We all preach the welcoming nature of the CrossFit community as a whole. And it's true, if someone asks me why I CrossFit, I don't mention last that I love the community, the people, and the support. BUT, it only goes that far. Before I was injured, I was getting stronger and performed pretty well at my gym. A PR here, a sub 3' Grace time there, you get the idea. I am myself a competitive person, so being injured was surely the last thing I wanted to experience while improving strength and fitness. But it happened. 

As the injury creeped up on me and I had to go down in weight or slow down my pace, I started noticing that others who I would usually beat would pass me and triumph. This is where I began seeing true colors in myself and others. In the beginning, it was very hard for me to let others beat me, but I had to listen to my body and not my competition. It still is difficult sometimes, especially during workouts that "are made for me," but instead of falling deeper into depression and obsessing with "failing" I turned it around and put my energy in #1, #2, & #4. Supporting and constructively judging others has become a priority, and strangely enough it's rather rewarding to be the cheerleader! 
Of course, I have also seen true colors in others. While most are supportive and sympathetic of my current physical state, others have shown that they do not care, but are rather "happy" that there is one girl less to compete with. This is the sad truth that is rarely talked about in the welcoming CrossFit community. There can be tension (maybe more between the girls than the guys?!) among girls. 

#4 Developing Mental Strength

Mental visualization is a useful tool,
especially when you are injured. 

Being a CrossFit athlete not only means to  be strong and fit, but it also tests your commitment,  determination, perseverance, and work ethic. While some argue that certain kind of people do CrossFit, you can learn or strengthen your mentality towards the sport and your training. 
Mental toughness is not a new skill, but oftentimes overlooked, and certainly not explicitly coached or taught in a CrossFit class. 
Yet, many of the skills that make up your mental strength, are easily trained if you put in some effort and work. 
Using the time of my injury has been a blessing in the sense that I had time to catch up on some readings about sports psychology and motivational as well as performance studies in athletes. One of the skills is mental visualization. Maybe you don't want to brush up on good form and technique while you cannot actively participate in CrossFit? Visualizing yourself performing will translate into your actual performance when you return. 
For me, that means for example, that I have been watching every Muscle up tutorial online, rewatched the videos of myself getting up in the rings, and imagining myself doing so when I return. Instead of muscle memory, I am actively building mental memory and the ability to translate thoughts into action for the day that I have regained the amount of strength that I will need to perform.
Without time off from surgery, I would probably not have invested as much into perfecting form and developing the mentality of being able to achieve and perform. The physical test will be here sooner than later. I am enjoying the preparation that allows me to believe and visualize that I can do this.

10 Days post-op Posterior Cervical Foraminotomy/Discectomy

Today I had my 10-day post-op follow-up doctor's visit. 
He pulled the sutures and the staple and said it looked really good. 
I don't need the hard brace any longer, but have a soft one, for another week or so. 
I can start driving, but haven't given i a try just yet. I think I will start slow/short distances. 
Though, Tuesday I need to drive down to South Denver, so that will be the first "test"- leaving early to make sure :)

I will be able to start PT in a week, so I will call Monday to maybe get my first appointment set for Friday. From there, I will slowly ease back into more strenuous activities. 
I have been walking 5-10km/day so far and will up it to 20-30km/day this coming week.
I am trying to walk sub 10min/km. I've been around 10:30-11min/km which is fine, but I feel good. Adding in some air squats and lunges as well. 

Also, today I did not have any notable pain in my arm or shoulder and the doctor reassured me that my nerves had plenty of room now, and were just irritated from the procedure. So, once the swelling goes down, I should be as good as new, and obviously, the muscles in my neck need to heal up.

At least I can say I am off pain meds, that is narcotics and muscles relaxants, and only need ibuprofen or bromelain every now and then.
So, all in all, everything went well and I am doing good. 

I am SO ready to go back to lifting. 
I know the first couple of months will be tough... and I will have a battle scar, but in a few years I am sure even this will be gone.

Here, is a picture of what my scar looks like Day 1 post-op versus day 10 post-op. 

1 day post-op

10 days post-op

Intune: Mental and Physical Balance through CrossFit

I don't know why CrossFit has been so much more than just exercise for me. In my life, I have probably tried every sport on the planet, from swimming or running, over a common gym membership and aerobics classes, to lacrosse, soccer, and horseback riding. Yet, only CrossFit really helped me connect and consequently balance the physical with the mental. 

For example, when I used to run, I mainly did it to keep weight off or lose more. I don't think I ever really enjoyed running. Although, I kept telling myself that I did, and after the first couple of miles I didn't mind it and always felt good afterwards. Running was yet more a means to an end. 

Swimming, on the contrary, I really enjoyed, but I never really got as serious about it as that I would have given it more thought. Plus, I never really felt that comfortable in my bathing suit. A stupid struggle that developed out of the society-induced thinking that I needed to look a certain way. Nonetheless, I went regularly, and during the summer time, I would get a tan along with the swim. 

Horseback riding has always been therapeutic to me, but yet again, it's been more a sport for pure enjoyment. Plus, I never owned a horse and moved around quite a bit over the last 10 years so that I never established a connection with that one horse.

Going to the gym started to get boring but again I stuck with it again mainly to not gain weight and tone my muscles a bit. It was usually unstructured, or just the same routines, day in and day out - no pushing myself and pretty boring at times. Adding some of the classes was fun but I never really got into it. I guess, I'm not really a group sport or team sports person. At least in environments in which I felt like I didn't fit in. 

Those experiences boil down to having felt uncomfortable and not as fit as others, not as good as them. Maybe, I could have but I just never felt I would. And I constantly compared myself. 

When I started bikram yoga, I slowly began to realize that comparing is not helpful, but with all the mirrors in the room and all the positions that did not bring out the prettiest sides of me, it was hard for me to focus. I enjoyed it but again I mainly did it for the benefits it apparently provided. 

Why it was so different with CrossFit?! I have no clear explanation, but I know that even though I felt uncomfortable in the group settings at first, I started to see results quickly and was encouraged by the people around me. 

The community in CrossFit definitely plays a big role. Being supported by those around me and being a part of a community made a big difference. 

Fact is that I have never felt mentally and physically challenged the way I have with CrossFit, and it's a good challenge, one that makes me not only a fitter but also a better person. I learned to pay attention to the signals my body send. In the past, I ignored many of them. I thought nothing would ever happen to me and if I felt an ache I would take a pill and rest, but now it's different. 

I try to find causes so that I can prevent aches in the future. I eat healthy to allow my body to heal itself, and so that I do not need to rely on pills. I take care of myself and change things up, or rest, so that I don't cause more harm but allow myself to get better. 

In 10 days I will do a nutrition challenge that my gym organizes. I'm excited because we work in teams and besides getting in shape, we can win something. Incentives and accountability are in check, and it's going to be one of those community-driven things that I love about CrossFit! 

I am a happier and more balanced persons because of Crossfit. Even though I am currently not actively wodding in classes at MBS, I am still part of the community. And MBS has the best community :)

Mental and physical balance are rooted in a support system and I am happy I found mine in CrossFit, at MBS. 

Recovery from Foraminotomy: Week 1

One week ago, I had cervical foraminotomy to hopefully cure my left arm and shoulder radiculopathy.

Right now, I feel like retrospectively reflecting on surgery and the first week post-op, so here we go! 

The procedure: 

Unilateral cervical foraminotomy at c5/c6 was performerd. 4 bone chips and the protruded disk material were removed. I was put in a halo, so besides the 2inch long incision I have staples in the sides of my head that will be removed 10 days post-op. The surgery took about 2 hours. 

The day of surgery:

I quit eating by 8pm the night before and had my last glass of water around 11pm. We left the house at 5.30am and arrived shortly after 6am at the hospital. I only waited a few minutes in the pre-surgery waiting room and was taken to vitals and checks promptly around 6.30. 

My weight was around 150# and I had a hard time giving my urine sample. Information you surely needed.

I changed into a rope and the nurse tried to place an IV in my right hand/arm. She blew two veins and I started to get a bit anxious. This was probably the most painful of it all. She tried twice on my right hand and wrist and completely messed up. Then, she tried my left hand and left me with a pretty big bruise...

My anaesthesiologist came in, locally numbed my hand/wrist and finally got the IV to work! Phew! 

The neuromonitoring guy came I hook me up to his thing and he my doc came to answer final questions and make sure everything was ready to go. 

I was ready to be taken down to the operation room and I think all I talked about were my big dogs and my cat. Then I was in some white room with bright lights. I think there were other patients on their beds around me but I may have been imagining all this! I think I was out shortly after. 

Crazy! 

I woke up in a different room with two nurses circling around me. I tried to move but couldn't and I tried to open my eyes or keep them open but couldn't! Crazy again! 

One nurse then fed me pudding and I know I really liked the pudding! Had it for every meal after that! Tried chocolate, too, but vanilla was way better!

Anyway, my throat hurt from the breathing tube. Since I was on my tummy during the procedure they had to put in a tube. My head hurt a bit - staples. Other than that I was just really tired. 

I was brought back into my room and my husband and his mom showed up quickly after. I needed to use the bathroom and got up around 11am. I felt fine, just a bit shaky. 

I saw a PT and OT to learn how to move and do things but I was up and walking "rounds" by the afternoon. Climbed the cute set up stairs as well. I didn't see any problems come up. 

Yet, we decided to stay a night to make sure. The hospital food wasn't all that bad either. And I liked the pudding! 

At night, my alarm went off several times because my pulse fell below 45 and 40 so, again to be safe they put me on the oxygen. 

I was able to be discharged around 11am the next day. 

Complication and problems post surgery: 

Low blood pressure and pulse. While it's relatively normal for me to have a sub 40 pulse at rest, in the hospital they found it necessary to put me on the oxygen tank and monitor me at night. 

Dizziness and blackouts. Most likely a side effect of meds and my low blood pressure. I passed out in the shower on day 4 post-op. Already the second shower was a bit shaky but I managed to sit down in time. Learned the hard way that a chair in the shower is very helpful; when I passed out and found myself lying on the shower floor crying, I did get scared a bit. I don't think I reinsured though. 

Constipation. All the meds caused some irregularities, that is, no movement. Miralax helped the most. I improved within 48hours of taking it. 

Nausea. Also, a side effect from meds. I quit taking my meds every 6 hours/day on day 6 post-op because I started feeling sick. Only when I actually feel increased pain or muscle spasms, am I taking oxycodone or a muscle relaxer. I have used Ibuprofen and Bromelain for pain/inflammation now and it's working so-so. 

Headaches. Positioning, the hard brace and meds also caused some bad headaches on day 5 and 6. The doctor suggested to try the soft brace and I am wearing it for sleeping or when I am lying down. This, in combination with going down on meds, headaches have improved 100%!

Arm pain. I am a bit concerned that my pain is returning. I haven't had that kind of nerve pain anymore prior to surgery so I am not sure what to think. Did I overdo it? For the most part, I have muscle spasms in my wrist, elbow and upper arm.

Improvement post-op (so far):

As I said, I currently have occasional pain in my shoulder and upper arm but my surgeon said it should go away. He called it residual pain that was caused by inflammation and regeneration of the nerves. After all, I had surgery and it wasn't just a magic trick! Yet, no numbness or tingling have reoccurred. 

I feel like my range of motion has already improved, but I cannot really tell since I am not doing any crazy overhead moves. 

With the incision healing up and me trying to keep up good nutritional and recovery habits, I am sure I will be back to normal before I know it. Then, I will have to focus on rebuilding strength and muscle.

I am now wearing a soft brace about half the time and the incision looks good. The hair they had to shave is starting to grow back and I feel stronger every day.

First week post-op tips:

Eat. Have people cook for you or prepare a lot and freeze it. You will just not feel up to much of anything but you will need to eat.

Take miralax. Kick start bowl movement right away.

Set up your bed. Get a wedge for your bed and plenty of pillows (soft-hard) to adjust your lying position for any occasion.

Chair in shower. Get a shower chair and if at all possible have somebody at you side when you shower.

No overhead. Try not to reach overhead and get clothes ready that are easy to change.

Move slowly but move. Go for short walks, and get up often. Make slow and controlled movements. This helps circulation, healing and your mind. 

Call your doctor. With any questions or problems. I have asked every little thing and was happy to get response within 24hrs very time. 

Avoid heat. Interaction with meds or simply the impact of changes in temperature can impact you more than you would think shortly after surgery, even if you feel great! 

Know your meds! What they do to help you, but also what thy can do I harm you. If you understand your meds you can much better adjust and work around it all. Also, don't become addicted! 

Call friends! Let people know what you are going through and let them help you, even if it's just a phone call! It's helpful to know people are thinking about you. 

Stay positive!  Listen to your body and be careful!

Outlook

I'm looking forward to  start doing slow airsquats and increase my daily walks. Hopefully in a week from today I can drive and start PT! 

Stop blaming CrossFit for my Injury - my take on my herniated disk

With my neck in a cervical brace, I have heard several people suggest to me that I should reconsider my choice of sport. That is when they knew I was (am) doing CrossFit. Then, my injury was clearly a consequence of CrossFit.

I find the idea of "reconsidering one's sport of choice" as a consequence of an injury very interesting. Especially, when there are options and ways of recovering from that injury.

In terms of the cause of my herniated disc, I cannot clearly say that CrossFit was the culprit. Did strenuous workouts and heavy lifts add to the problem? Probably. 
In anticipation for surgery I have read medical, research-based and non-research-based articles as well as personal stories and anecdotes - in my case specifically about disc problems: from lumbar to thoracic to cervical. I reached out to friends and family with similar problems and found it to be true that herniated discs simply happen. Being only 30 and suffering a disk herniation may be less common but funny enough, the cases in younger people that you do get to read about are those about people who use their bodies actively, athletes for example. It's not a new disease that was brought about by CrossFit. 

Yet, I think I would agree to say CrossFitters may encounter these problems more commonly because of their level of activity. 
And here is a shocker:  If you are using your body you consequently will feel your body. If you don't use it, a lot of issues may simply not show up. Other problems, however, might.

Luckily, disc problems are not a new problem, well-documented, and researched. It's something that can be taken care of surigically as well as non-surgically. The main reasons or risks for disk herniations to happen that I found were covered in most sources were (1) being overweight and inactive, (2) being engaged in contact or high impact sports (from football to skiing, and yes, including CrossFit) and (3) genetics. In the end, the choice of treatment depends on a persons lifestyle and occupation. 

But back to the suggestion of reconsidering my sport of choice. 

Let me ask you: Are you reconsidering playing soccer on your co-ed team because you have knee problems?  

Are you reconsidering kickboxing because you strained or broke your foot during practice? 

Are you reconsidering cycling because you overlooked a rock, fell, and broke your arm?

Maybe you do, and that is certainly fine, it's your decision, not mine. I hope you found something else instead. 

When I was a toddler, my babysitter accidentally dropped me and I suffered a neck injury. Ouch. An accident. And no, my babysitter was not sued and sent to jail. She may have become more careful with little children, or at least I hope so. 

But no one suggested to me to be unsupervised during my toddler years. 

When I was in elementary school, I ended up in a neck brace after jumping twist ropes. A wrong twist or turn and my neck was stiff. I don't think I quit jumping twist ropes after I recovered. Why would you take away such a fun and harmless activity from a child, right? 

When I was about 15 I passed out when cleanig my room because I turned or twisted my neck wrong and must have pinched a nerve. Did I quit cleaning my room after this? Nope. Alhough, I am sure I would have highly welcomed such a suggestion. 

When I was 19, I was rearended on the Autobahn in Germany. Several days post accident, I had headaches, stiffness and didn't feel quite right. Whiplash. Untreated. But no one suggested to reconsider driving as my choice of transportation.  

There would be more anecdotal stories of my life that could illustrate that for me, my disk herniation has a history, and my body decided that it was enough, and I needed to know something was actually wrong. On the contrary, I am grateful CrossFit gave me the ability to tune into my body, and feel the pain I was feeling when I was hanging of a pull-up bar or when I tried to bench press.

So, if we would have to reconsider our sport (or X) of choice whenever an injury happens, then we are ignoring something more crucial. Living life. 

I'm not saying "jump off a bridge and see what happens," but I am saying that if you do what you like, pay attention to the ways you are doing them and listen to your body and your body's response, then you can be happy, and yes, sure enough, you can also get hurt. 

Injuries happen. Injuries can be teachful, too. But I would never allow injuries to stop me from living my life in a way that I enjoy it. 

Just imagine what it would mean if we allowed every injury, sickness, or unfortunate consequence to gain such power over us. I feel like it would trigger a lot of anxiety. On top, it sounds exhausting. 

Instead, I rather spend my energy on accepting the things I cannot control, while listening to my body and being observant of the choices I make so that I can implement changes and prevent harm. 

In my experience, I have learned most from failures and mistakes; luckily, most of these moments offered a chance for me to build on and improve the things that I possibly did incorrectly or without enough thought. We all are learning constantly. 

But if every little set-back would stop us from reengaging with something we enjoy, I believe we all would end up in a pretty dark and desperate place. We would not allow ourselves to even learn anything anymore. We would be creatures with experiences that lead to nothing and that are unfulfilling.

In fact, we would turn ourselves and our autonomy in, and take away any sense of responsibility and self-determination from our actions. In my current state, I would turn myself into a victim of my spine injury. And, I don't want to be a victim. Injuries happen. 

My herniated disc would have happened with or without CrossFit. Maybe sooner, maybe later... potentially I would not have noticed it until it got way worse than it was now. Yes, without CrossFit I probably would have not chosen to undergo surgery. But I probably would be overweight, depressed, and unhappy. 

Opting for surgery was a conscious choice I made, it not only cost money but I paid a temporary price in quitting swimming, running, jumping, playing around with my 100-150# dogs. Things I chose to do. Things I enjoyed. Things that kept me sane. But, I am hopeful I can return to all of these activities again. 

In fact, I never fully had to stop CrossFit. I modified every workout and kept my body and fitness where I could while being injured.

Therefore, telling me to reconsider the choice of my sport makes me... Sad.

It misses the point.

If I would do that I would be miserable. More miserable than wearing this neck brace. Yes, there may be movements in CrossFit that after recovery won't be easy or that I may not even be able to do again, but I will simply need to relearn or find a new way of doing them. After all, it's CrossFit. Everything can be modified. Everything!

The question I need to ask myself is, what is it that my body can do and make sure I do it right. 

Finding something to blame for an injury does not make injury go away. It just creates misery.

In fact, it's more effective for me to find something that I can blame for getting better after injury.  I have a feeling, when I am cleared to work out again, that it's going to be the sport of my choice: CrossFit. 

#ifyoucanttoneittanit