36 weeks pregnant - BS PR & anxiety

Last week, at 36 weeks I PRd my backsquat. I hit 2reps at 240#. It was surprisingly easy, but I decided to not go to failure and stopped after the successful lift. 

I was proud of myself and then soon got annoyed by people telling me it was because I am pregnant. Guys, there is no scientific proof showing that women who are pregnant can lift heavier. I have been working hard and I am dedicated to my programming, despite the fact that I am pregnant. I have to force myself daily to even get out of bed! And I took off all of December because I could not get myself to even go for a run. 

Being pregnant is a struggle and I have not enjoyed any minute of it (thanks also to nausea and heartburn since week 8!). I don't even want to think about post partum. It's going to be hard! Harder than post neck surgery! I haven't given 100% at the gym in almost a year now and, honestly, it really sucks! I have seen my strength slip away and moments like last week make me happy and proud of what my body is capable of because of my dedication and perseverance not because I am pregnant. 

This being sad, I am now less than 4 weeks away from giving birth and I cannot wait. I also cannot wait to start working on my body again. I'm scared about the first month post partum and even more so the entire journey ahead. I have been reading through blogs and articles and information and experiences are really mixed. I have no idea what to expect.

Will I have issues with DRAM (diastasis recto in abdominal muscles)? Will my pelvic floor muscles or posture be different? Will kegels and TVA activation to rebuild inner core strength help? How long will it take? And will I be able to focus on my recovery while taking care of a newborn? 

It's this time in pregnancy where I am getting nervous and scared not just about child birth but about the time to come. 

And then there is my competitive mind screaming from the very back - because it's been placed on hold for so long. It's screaming because it's hungry and I truly do not want to shut it up just yet. I actually believe that I can do it. And I also believe that I can surprise myself because I have not yet shown what I am capable of. It's the not knowing that makes me anxious and impatient. But I have promised myself that I will not give up. This is just adding fuel to the fire. 

15.4 and 15.5 and pregnancy

For 15.4 I decided to mod the HSPUs. Just a few days before, I had done HSPUs in a WOD, but I didn't feel like it for 15.4. Instead I did the scaled version with 65# push press but heavier cleans at 105#. I got to 87 reps. Not great but not shabby. I didn't push myself too much. Recently, I have been concerned about getting my heart rate too much through the roof and aim to keep breathing steady. I am not wearing a heart rate monitor but I think I stay somewhere around 140-150.

I've been consistently doing strength class, however, and weightlifting really feels good. But I just get out of breath super quickly so anything tNg or more than 6reps at a time is challenging. 

 Similarly, I decided to go slow and steady  for 15.5. I'm usually a pretty good rower and like the damper set to a high resistance but I decided to keep it low  - at 5 - and keep cals per hour around 850 rather than 1100. I also took a "chalk" break after each row and then broke up the thrusters into 4 or 5's and sometimes rested on top: I did do the round of 9's unbroken though, and I wished I pushed myself a little more to hit sub 12 but 13:15 wasn't too bad. 

I was not out of breath and actually liked this WOD the most. It was the easiest of all to manage at 8 month pregnant. 

Just 7 more weeks to go. I cannot wait and I am also super excited to get on to  my new post-pregnancy training plan!! Maybe my husband and I will decide to better equip our garage gym - if not, I will just have to work around it and use what we have.  It will work out. 

15.2 and 15.3 pregnant modifications

I'm down to one digits now - only 9 weeks to go (hopefully) before my baby girl arrives!! I cannot wait and despite the nausea, heartburn and fatigue that I have gotten used to by now, the third trimester has been the best trimester for me so far.  

Working out has been far from easy but I can tell it has been good for me. 

I surely can't wait to dive back into giving 100% and pushing myself to higher limits and I believe I have said that before, but taking it a bit easier has taught me a lot as well. 

It's always just going to be ME against MYSELF - I don't care about comparing myself to others anymore. It's truly freeing. That does not mean I won't compete or sign up for the opens next year but it means that I will first see my performance in relation to my ability and then in relation to where I am compared to others. It's secondary. I have so many goals I want to reach that only I can work on. "The others "may be a pushing factor to reach these goals but that's really about it. 

In that mindset I did  15.2 and 15.3. I had to modify both WODs and since I did not like the scaled versions I just made my own. 

15.2: I did regular pullups and 55# OHS and got to 139 reps. I honestly did not want to finish that round and was happy to stop there :) my heart rate was getting a little too high as well and I am working on keeping it at bay. 

15.3: Instead of Muscle Ups I again just did regular pull-ups but I kept the wall balls at 14# with 50 reps and the DUs at 100 reps. I got through two rounds plus 8 reps , so a total of 322. Not too bad, considering how slow I went on WB and DUs. I broke WBs into 5's and DUS into 50 and then 25's on the second round. I also had to take breaks to breathe and get my heart rate under control. 

Both wods were fun and I would hope for 15.3 to be the one to be repeated next year so I can see how far I've come since neck surgery and having a baby! 

I'm kind of anxious but also excited to see how my body reacts after having a baby. But I know I will need a plan and set out goals. 

Competing at the Turkey Challenge in November will be one of the things I want to be able to do. And I want to do it well. But the next challenge will be 15.4 and 15.5 and then giving birth. 

CrossFit Total - 22 weeks pregnant

A little over one year ago when I moved to Colorado and started at MBS, I did the CFT with

Backsquat 205

Press 95

Dead 305

= 605

My pre surgery and pre pregnancy CFT which I did around May 2014 was 

Backsquat 240

Press 105

Dead 330

= 675

Now, 5 month post-op and 22 weeks pregnant I am at

Backsquat 220

Press 95

Dead 275

= 590

Only 15Ibs below where I was a year ago. I am amazed about what the human body is capable of. In fact, the backsquats felt easy today but I am not maxing out while pregnant. My mind won't let me. The dead wasn't pretty but didn't feel heavy. And the press?! Well, I am still gaining back the strength in my neck and shoulders, and I felt and feel the loss of muscle here or anything overhead the most. 

But I must say, I am glad to be back at the bar. The cardio makes me sick so I am not seeing improvement there but that is ok. 

A friend pointed me to the article Elisabeth Akinwale just posted about pregnancy and fitness. http://elisabethakinwale.com/

She puts it in perspective. 

Today, I was just very happy with my results and the way I felt and that is a good thing. 

Team WOD 20 versus 33 weeks

Today, I did a workout with my former comp partner and I felt like a lazy, slow slob. She is 33 weeks and kicked my butt! It's tough not to compare yourself to  someone who is in your shoes, farther along, and still killing the WODs. I asked myself what was wrong with me. I came to he conclusion that she is having a boy and I am having a girl - we both don't know th gender of our babies yet, so, obviously it's just a theory. 

I felt like I did my first Crossfit class ever today. Very interesting experience and very frustrating. I'm sore and tired. I am questioning it all. But I will try my best to keep going, improving and hopefully in a year from now be where I was a year ago or better ahead (or pregnant again...). 

Yet, it makes me feel better overall to workout despite the miserable condition I am in and despite all the anxiety it brings up. I just need to keep pushing while listening to my body. 

My Truth about Staying in Shape during Pregnancy

Before I got pregnant I was in pretty good shape and I always told myself that when I get pregnant I will do everything to stay in shape. I said I didn't understand how women would not work out or how they would use pregnancy as an excuse. Well, hello reality! I very well understand  it now. 

During the first half of my first trimester I was still recovering from neck surgery but had kept my shape pretty well considering the circumstances. Then, nausea hit me and it wasn't just the kind of nausea that would go away with the simple tricks your doctor or the media would tell you. I had (and still have) extreme nausea and take medication to help ease it at least a little bit. 

Anyway, I still managed to make myself workout at least 4 times a week but then I got sick with the flu which I dragged with me for an entire month. It was  impossible for me to work out. I walked the dogs - that was it. I could watch myself, or my fitness that is, go to hell. I felt (and still feel) like a fat, lazy kid who enjoys eating more than physical activity. It scares me at times, because it is not like me at all.

Well after a month of laziness and overindulgence in "bad" or comfort foods I finally made it back to the gym again: 

We CrossFitters keep track of our times and I was by far the slowest on the board today. A year ago I would have laughed about this workout: today I cried. 

I realized that I am not that fit mom I always wanted to be. It is in fact not always that simple to be what you vision yourself to be, I already knew that, but I am very determined and I persevere. But this got mom ideal just doesn't seem to be working out for me at all even though I was in great shape before or when I got pregnant. 

At first, I felt like a failure, as if I let myself down because I let myself "go". But my truth is that I just listened to my body and that was to take a one month break and also to eat whatever I wanted. In the end I will be ok. Working out today felt like I started crossfit for the first time in my life but it also showed me that it is ok to be slower and weaker. I get a chance to start over in perfecting my movements and technique. 

It's not easy to accept to be less strong and slower than I used to but it is what it is and it does not mean that I am weak. After all, my body is changing in ways I have never experienced it. I guess what I am trying to say is that it is ok to be imperfect. Even though it is painful not to meet your own standards and ideals, it does not take away your worth. It is all relative. Life is unpredictable and provides the greatest challenges. All we need to do is accepting our truths. 

Weeks 15-17 pregnant, sick, flying and NO exercise

Week 15: The week before Thanksgiving I started to get sick. I worked out Monday and Tuesday before but probably shouldn't have. I felt worst on Thankagiving, and better again on Sunday. It was quite difficult to not work out knowing I was going to be gone for two weeks when working out would be even more of a challenge. 

Week 16: I flew to Germany and felt googd the day of the travel until I arrived and sat in the car from Düsseldorf airport back to Cologne. I had to throw up quite a bit. Maybe because I hadn't been taking my diclegis (nausea/morning sickness meds). I had another episode driving to Bremen for a day the following Thursday. I decided to hold of with working out until I felt better. So I did and I went running and did a mini body weight wod Saturday the 6th. I felt good while exercising and wanted to keep doing it every day, but the next day I started to feel sick again with a sore throat, cough and runny nose. The rainy and cold weather didn't help either. 

I gained 5ibs duringn that one, well two weeks of not wilting out and I am scared to death I will keep gaining. It's not hat I could say it's because I am pregnant. It's truly because I am sick, lazy and eating a lot of food, including loads of Christmas treats. I whether my food evey day in my log and even though I do not have a surplus of calories I am gaining- clearly because of what I am eating. I am starting to be terrified about weight gain. I am starting to fall into very old patterns and being sick is not helping to overcome those yet. 

Yet I know I need to get over this cold before I can really start tackling my activity decrease to increase it again. 

Week 17 has just started and I am about to lose my mind over the whole gaining I weight and losing fitness issue. 

The holidays need to be over. I need to be healthy and fit again. This pregnancy has been far from enjoyable and I have thoughts of failure creeping in and fears that I won't be able to return to my old shape after the pregnancy... 

Where is my determination and discipline these days? Is this normal in pregnancy? To doubt everything and be frustrated with everything?

Ugh. 

Half-marathon row anyone?

I did it. 

Before my surgery, I think sometime in June, I rowed a 10k and I remember I did not like it very much. It took me about 45minutes. The last record I have of a 5k for time is at 21:25 from January 2014. Obviously being pregnant and being 3 months post neck surgery I was not expecting to be anywhere close to that today.

Originally, I wanted to just row an hour, but I was over 10k after an hour and told myself to go to 15k and see. At 15k I felt like it was not worth stopping so I went all the way. 

I did not stop once: just did a few one-armed stroked to take sips of water or change songs on my phone. 

The next time I do this, I will need to have a playlist, that's for sure. 

The hardest were 6k-9k and then 18-21k everything else did not feel bad at all. Every now and ten people would come stop and chat, and that helped a bit.

I only went at like 80-90% and could carry out a conversation through the row. 

Bottom line, it was fun. Next time I hope to be doing it at 90-95% - obviously post baby but I learned that this was not awful at all and actually quite enjoyable. 

Here is my result: 

A split time of 2:11 was only happening in the beginning and the end. I stuck around 2:20 for most of it with the occasional 3:10 one-armed strokes :)

So, if you have nothing to do this weekend, go ahead and row! 

Recovery and Pregnancy

Big announcement: we are 10 weeks pregnant!

The reson for my break on posting was primarily a result of morning sickness. I have been tied to my bed and bathroom for several weeks, only slowly improving. Needless to say, CrossFit has become secondary. It's been difficult to accept that I have to actually take a break on serious training. I'm not going to quit altogether but intensity and volume will not increase as planned post-op. Maybe this is a good thing as it will allow my body to fully heal, who knows?! But it surely makes me sad a bit to not be kicking ass during the opens in 2015. Have to wait for 2016.

On the upside, while my recovery from surgery went extremely well and I have been cleared by my doctors and called fully recovered just two month post cervical foraminotomy, I will now ten this blog towards croasfitting while pregnant and dealing with issues around being a first time mom. 

So keep checking back for stories and insights on my personal journey! 

Nutrition Team Challenge - Day 1

I decided to do a nutrition and performance challenge at my gym. It started yesterday with a pre-WOD. 

Still in e brace I had to modify it of course: 

3RM deadlift and Fight Gone Bad

I hit 125 and 207 reps with a 6# ball and 35# bar. 

It was pretty exhausting but SOOOO much fun to be back. 

I started working out a bit more since Wednesday when I was cleared to do so by my PT guy. 

I am concerned a little bit about some pain in my shoulder. I may need to get that checked out again to rule out anything else. 

But my scar is healing well.

The challenge started well, although I didn't gain any bonuses for great performance. I hope I'll improve by the end of it. 

We had measurements and pictures taken.

My weight was at 147# with 115 LBM. 

My goal is to lose some fat and gain some more LBM. So ideally, I'll stay around 145#.

We have a 30 day strict paleo rule after which we can add in dairy and some other items. I think the 30 days will be challenging but today went surprisingly well and I am pretty stoked about cleanigg up my diet and getting back into even better shape than before my surgery! 

Here is to health and fitness! 

GERMANY is WELTMEISTER

Wir sind Weltmeister. After years of hard work, smart coaching, physical and mental training, Germany has finally made it: Winning the FIFA World Cup. Athletes and fans alike know how good winning can feel. Endorphines basically replace adrenaline or couple up, I guess. I am not an expert on hormones, but the emotions I felt when Götze shot that one and only goal during the second half of overtime, were intense. I made my dogs go crazy as I screamed "Jaaaaaa!" and jumped off of my chair. Unbelievable. Simply wunderbar.
My posture will be fixed for at least the next couple of days, as I carry myself with an extra touch of pride...

But, at the other end, we all were shocked to see Kramer go down, keep playing, but then a bit later - surprisingly still walking - going off the field. Head injuries are not uncommon in soccer or any other contact sports for that matter. I hope that 23 year old Christoph will only have suffered a concussion as the TZ reported, but I also hope they will take x-rays of his neck. Just in case. Pereira (player for Uruguay) was knocked out during their game against England. Although he was unconscious, he kept playing. According to sources such as die Zeit, FIFPro is calling for "more" head protection. That's great, but they will keep happening, so discussing the measures that should be taken during a game, seems just as important to me. I'm sure FIFPro is considering that as well, but I am just saying. 
 
It certainly reminded me of my own spinal problems, the pain, and the thoughts of recovery,and fear of being able to perform at the gym again the way one did pre-injury. I sure am no star soccer player, but it does not matter who you are and it does not matter why you got injured in the first place. It is important, however, to address the cause and to be proactive and optimistic about recovery. My body is telling me with the pain it sends down my arm, that I have to do something. Change something. And I am. Never have I been more focussed on form and core strength. Maybe this will play out in my advantage in the long run, even if it will take me longer to get back to where I was pre-injury.

Tomorrow, I will see another specialist to get a second opinion on surgery and all. 
For now, I am happy to be Weltmeister and hope the best for all head-injured players of the 2014 FIFA World Cup, which has been one of the best I've seen - not only because we made it.

By the way, if you haven't read my "About me" blurb: I am German. 

Gute Nacht - tonight without narcotics! Woohoo!

The Beginning

I did my CrossFit Elements course in  May 2012 and had no idea how much I would like playing with barbells, kettlebells and all until the beginning of 2013. My husband had been telling me about CrossFit many times before but I think I never really understood what he meant, I guess. I even booked us in for a bootcamp, which he did not enjoy at all, and I just didn't experience pushing myself. Eventually I came across a living social deal for CrossFit Cedar Park which was conveniently located close by. The vouchers were bought and the first step towards a better more healthy lifestyle was set.
We didn't go regularly at first, had to put it on hold every now and then because of travel, but towards the end of 2012 I began to establish a routine. We participated in CFCP's  Holly Jolly Challenge, a 6-week team challenge that included to stick to paleo eating, recorded in daily logs with an allowance of 1 cheat meal per week and  3 team challenges and working out (of course). The eating was the hardest part for me and my husband, but we definitely learned a lot about what difference it makes to not only watch what you eat but to actually making a true effort to change habits and feeling better about your daily choices.
In January, we decided to go unlimited, and I settled for 4 times of CrossFit classes a week. I started to see results after just a month, hitting new PRs and finally being able of completing most WODs RX (as prescribed). I think I got my first real pull-up in February and was talked into participating in the CrossFit Games Opens just for fun. And it was fun: I beat my husband on all but one of the 5 WODs :)
So, here I am now, enjoying CrossFit and feeling much better about myself, even though I have gained about 15Ibs since I have started a year ago. I am still having trouble with the nutrition aspect of it but hopefully time and effort will make that better as well.