Recovery and Pregnancy

Big announcement: we are 10 weeks pregnant!

The reson for my break on posting was primarily a result of morning sickness. I have been tied to my bed and bathroom for several weeks, only slowly improving. Needless to say, CrossFit has become secondary. It's been difficult to accept that I have to actually take a break on serious training. I'm not going to quit altogether but intensity and volume will not increase as planned post-op. Maybe this is a good thing as it will allow my body to fully heal, who knows?! But it surely makes me sad a bit to not be kicking ass during the opens in 2015. Have to wait for 2016.

On the upside, while my recovery from surgery went extremely well and I have been cleared by my doctors and called fully recovered just two month post cervical foraminotomy, I will now ten this blog towards croasfitting while pregnant and dealing with issues around being a first time mom. 

So keep checking back for stories and insights on my personal journey! 

Squats

Another day working out. It feels so good to be back. I'm weaker but that's ok. I'm just having fun for a while, maybe a year. 

I worked up to 175# 1RM front squat today. It was heavy but I made it and will slowly improve. 

So today:

45' PT

Iron scap

5x 250m Row sprints

Fastest at 1:48 split

5-5-5-3-3-3-2-2-1-1 

Working up to 1RM front squat 

Ended with 175#

3-3-3-2-2-1

Working up to heavy overhead squat

Failed at 100#

5-5-2-2-1-1

Working up to heavy bench

Failed at 95#

Superset 3-3-3-3-3

Push-ups 

Banded strict pull ups

Mobi

Nutrition Team Challenge - Day 1

I decided to do a nutrition and performance challenge at my gym. It started yesterday with a pre-WOD. 

Still in e brace I had to modify it of course: 

3RM deadlift and Fight Gone Bad

I hit 125 and 207 reps with a 6# ball and 35# bar. 

It was pretty exhausting but SOOOO much fun to be back. 

I started working out a bit more since Wednesday when I was cleared to do so by my PT guy. 

I am concerned a little bit about some pain in my shoulder. I may need to get that checked out again to rule out anything else. 

But my scar is healing well.

The challenge started well, although I didn't gain any bonuses for great performance. I hope I'll improve by the end of it. 

We had measurements and pictures taken.

My weight was at 147# with 115 LBM. 

My goal is to lose some fat and gain some more LBM. So ideally, I'll stay around 145#.

We have a 30 day strict paleo rule after which we can add in dairy and some other items. I think the 30 days will be challenging but today went surprisingly well and I am pretty stoked about cleanigg up my diet and getting back into even better shape than before my surgery! 

Here is to health and fitness! 

First post-Op soreness!

Im excited to announce that 17 days post-op I am feeling sore again for the first time since my surgery, well technically since June... 

I did some yard work and cleaned the kitchen, plus a 3k walk with 200 lunges and 200 airsquats yesterday; and today I am feeling it and it feels SOOOO good :)

That's all! 

Good night! 

4 positive side-effects of being an injured Crossfitter

Being injured sucks, but I believe that in every negative there is something positive. 
If you can't see it right away, go look for it! It's all about how you approach your situation, and how you turn your mind towards positive thoughts and use your energy to strengthen your mentality.

Over the last months, I found the following to be true for me.

#1 Detaching from the Whiteboard

The whiteboard and its numbers are just relative. 

Many of us get attached to the whiteboard. I remember when I started CrossFit, I didn't even think I would be able to do a WOD in a "good" time or rx. A couple months in, I was able to rx, got my first pull up, toe to bar, and - to my surprise - noticed an increased time spent in front of the whiteboard. It had become a motivator and a "check-in point" before and after each workout; a way to measure not only my gains but also where I stood in comparison to others at my gym. Signing up for the Opens and completing the open WODs sometimes even fairly successful put this motivation on a whole new level... 

Then came injury. At first it was difficult to see others do so much better but with a little bit of time, I learned to detach myself from the whiteboard. And it's been cleansig in a way. I admit, whenever there is a WOD that I know I would have kicked butt, I take a look at scores and take a mental note. I may even do some of the WODs as part of my training plan when I return - and I know it will be motivating. 

#2 Mastering WOD Modifications

 Listening to the body sometimes means
to not put more weight on the bar

We turn to our Coaches when we are unsure how to do a movement or if we feel like we need to modify. They guide us and advice us. Where I train, we can usually chose to do the WOD at one of three levels, with L3=Rx. Also, our coaches are not only attentive and knowledgeable  but a great resource for ideas and help.
However, if you are injured over a prolonged time, you quickly learn to come up with your own modifications and WODs. I am not saying that my WODs are great but they allow me to use weights and equipment that I can handle or that I even have at home. 
Even when injured, I want to feel good about my workout and still challenge myself in ways that I am ok with. After all, the coaches are not in my body and only I really know what I need and can do. 
That's what's so wonderful about CrossFit: you can (learn to) modify everything. You won't be able to compare yourself to others on the whiteboard anymore, and if that's what you were thinking, how about you read #1 again. :)

#3 Seeing True Colors 

Being injured shows you whom you can trust
and who you can count on. 

We all preach the welcoming nature of the CrossFit community as a whole. And it's true, if someone asks me why I CrossFit, I don't mention last that I love the community, the people, and the support. BUT, it only goes that far. Before I was injured, I was getting stronger and performed pretty well at my gym. A PR here, a sub 3' Grace time there, you get the idea. I am myself a competitive person, so being injured was surely the last thing I wanted to experience while improving strength and fitness. But it happened. 

As the injury creeped up on me and I had to go down in weight or slow down my pace, I started noticing that others who I would usually beat would pass me and triumph. This is where I began seeing true colors in myself and others. In the beginning, it was very hard for me to let others beat me, but I had to listen to my body and not my competition. It still is difficult sometimes, especially during workouts that "are made for me," but instead of falling deeper into depression and obsessing with "failing" I turned it around and put my energy in #1, #2, & #4. Supporting and constructively judging others has become a priority, and strangely enough it's rather rewarding to be the cheerleader! 
Of course, I have also seen true colors in others. While most are supportive and sympathetic of my current physical state, others have shown that they do not care, but are rather "happy" that there is one girl less to compete with. This is the sad truth that is rarely talked about in the welcoming CrossFit community. There can be tension (maybe more between the girls than the guys?!) among girls. 

#4 Developing Mental Strength

Mental visualization is a useful tool,
especially when you are injured. 

Being a CrossFit athlete not only means to  be strong and fit, but it also tests your commitment,  determination, perseverance, and work ethic. While some argue that certain kind of people do CrossFit, you can learn or strengthen your mentality towards the sport and your training. 
Mental toughness is not a new skill, but oftentimes overlooked, and certainly not explicitly coached or taught in a CrossFit class. 
Yet, many of the skills that make up your mental strength, are easily trained if you put in some effort and work. 
Using the time of my injury has been a blessing in the sense that I had time to catch up on some readings about sports psychology and motivational as well as performance studies in athletes. One of the skills is mental visualization. Maybe you don't want to brush up on good form and technique while you cannot actively participate in CrossFit? Visualizing yourself performing will translate into your actual performance when you return. 
For me, that means for example, that I have been watching every Muscle up tutorial online, rewatched the videos of myself getting up in the rings, and imagining myself doing so when I return. Instead of muscle memory, I am actively building mental memory and the ability to translate thoughts into action for the day that I have regained the amount of strength that I will need to perform.
Without time off from surgery, I would probably not have invested as much into perfecting form and developing the mentality of being able to achieve and perform. The physical test will be here sooner than later. I am enjoying the preparation that allows me to believe and visualize that I can do this.

10 Days post-op Posterior Cervical Foraminotomy/Discectomy

Today I had my 10-day post-op follow-up doctor's visit. 
He pulled the sutures and the staple and said it looked really good. 
I don't need the hard brace any longer, but have a soft one, for another week or so. 
I can start driving, but haven't given i a try just yet. I think I will start slow/short distances. 
Though, Tuesday I need to drive down to South Denver, so that will be the first "test"- leaving early to make sure :)

I will be able to start PT in a week, so I will call Monday to maybe get my first appointment set for Friday. From there, I will slowly ease back into more strenuous activities. 
I have been walking 5-10km/day so far and will up it to 20-30km/day this coming week.
I am trying to walk sub 10min/km. I've been around 10:30-11min/km which is fine, but I feel good. Adding in some air squats and lunges as well. 

Also, today I did not have any notable pain in my arm or shoulder and the doctor reassured me that my nerves had plenty of room now, and were just irritated from the procedure. So, once the swelling goes down, I should be as good as new, and obviously, the muscles in my neck need to heal up.

At least I can say I am off pain meds, that is narcotics and muscles relaxants, and only need ibuprofen or bromelain every now and then.
So, all in all, everything went well and I am doing good. 

I am SO ready to go back to lifting. 
I know the first couple of months will be tough... and I will have a battle scar, but in a few years I am sure even this will be gone.

Here, is a picture of what my scar looks like Day 1 post-op versus day 10 post-op. 

1 day post-op

10 days post-op

Recovery from Foraminotomy: Week 1

One week ago, I had cervical foraminotomy to hopefully cure my left arm and shoulder radiculopathy.

Right now, I feel like retrospectively reflecting on surgery and the first week post-op, so here we go! 

The procedure: 

Unilateral cervical foraminotomy at c5/c6 was performerd. 4 bone chips and the protruded disk material were removed. I was put in a halo, so besides the 2inch long incision I have staples in the sides of my head that will be removed 10 days post-op. The surgery took about 2 hours. 

The day of surgery:

I quit eating by 8pm the night before and had my last glass of water around 11pm. We left the house at 5.30am and arrived shortly after 6am at the hospital. I only waited a few minutes in the pre-surgery waiting room and was taken to vitals and checks promptly around 6.30. 

My weight was around 150# and I had a hard time giving my urine sample. Information you surely needed.

I changed into a rope and the nurse tried to place an IV in my right hand/arm. She blew two veins and I started to get a bit anxious. This was probably the most painful of it all. She tried twice on my right hand and wrist and completely messed up. Then, she tried my left hand and left me with a pretty big bruise...

My anaesthesiologist came in, locally numbed my hand/wrist and finally got the IV to work! Phew! 

The neuromonitoring guy came I hook me up to his thing and he my doc came to answer final questions and make sure everything was ready to go. 

I was ready to be taken down to the operation room and I think all I talked about were my big dogs and my cat. Then I was in some white room with bright lights. I think there were other patients on their beds around me but I may have been imagining all this! I think I was out shortly after. 

Crazy! 

I woke up in a different room with two nurses circling around me. I tried to move but couldn't and I tried to open my eyes or keep them open but couldn't! Crazy again! 

One nurse then fed me pudding and I know I really liked the pudding! Had it for every meal after that! Tried chocolate, too, but vanilla was way better!

Anyway, my throat hurt from the breathing tube. Since I was on my tummy during the procedure they had to put in a tube. My head hurt a bit - staples. Other than that I was just really tired. 

I was brought back into my room and my husband and his mom showed up quickly after. I needed to use the bathroom and got up around 11am. I felt fine, just a bit shaky. 

I saw a PT and OT to learn how to move and do things but I was up and walking "rounds" by the afternoon. Climbed the cute set up stairs as well. I didn't see any problems come up. 

Yet, we decided to stay a night to make sure. The hospital food wasn't all that bad either. And I liked the pudding! 

At night, my alarm went off several times because my pulse fell below 45 and 40 so, again to be safe they put me on the oxygen. 

I was able to be discharged around 11am the next day. 

Complication and problems post surgery: 

Low blood pressure and pulse. While it's relatively normal for me to have a sub 40 pulse at rest, in the hospital they found it necessary to put me on the oxygen tank and monitor me at night. 

Dizziness and blackouts. Most likely a side effect of meds and my low blood pressure. I passed out in the shower on day 4 post-op. Already the second shower was a bit shaky but I managed to sit down in time. Learned the hard way that a chair in the shower is very helpful; when I passed out and found myself lying on the shower floor crying, I did get scared a bit. I don't think I reinsured though. 

Constipation. All the meds caused some irregularities, that is, no movement. Miralax helped the most. I improved within 48hours of taking it. 

Nausea. Also, a side effect from meds. I quit taking my meds every 6 hours/day on day 6 post-op because I started feeling sick. Only when I actually feel increased pain or muscle spasms, am I taking oxycodone or a muscle relaxer. I have used Ibuprofen and Bromelain for pain/inflammation now and it's working so-so. 

Headaches. Positioning, the hard brace and meds also caused some bad headaches on day 5 and 6. The doctor suggested to try the soft brace and I am wearing it for sleeping or when I am lying down. This, in combination with going down on meds, headaches have improved 100%!

Arm pain. I am a bit concerned that my pain is returning. I haven't had that kind of nerve pain anymore prior to surgery so I am not sure what to think. Did I overdo it? For the most part, I have muscle spasms in my wrist, elbow and upper arm.

Improvement post-op (so far):

As I said, I currently have occasional pain in my shoulder and upper arm but my surgeon said it should go away. He called it residual pain that was caused by inflammation and regeneration of the nerves. After all, I had surgery and it wasn't just a magic trick! Yet, no numbness or tingling have reoccurred. 

I feel like my range of motion has already improved, but I cannot really tell since I am not doing any crazy overhead moves. 

With the incision healing up and me trying to keep up good nutritional and recovery habits, I am sure I will be back to normal before I know it. Then, I will have to focus on rebuilding strength and muscle.

I am now wearing a soft brace about half the time and the incision looks good. The hair they had to shave is starting to grow back and I feel stronger every day.

First week post-op tips:

Eat. Have people cook for you or prepare a lot and freeze it. You will just not feel up to much of anything but you will need to eat.

Take miralax. Kick start bowl movement right away.

Set up your bed. Get a wedge for your bed and plenty of pillows (soft-hard) to adjust your lying position for any occasion.

Chair in shower. Get a shower chair and if at all possible have somebody at you side when you shower.

No overhead. Try not to reach overhead and get clothes ready that are easy to change.

Move slowly but move. Go for short walks, and get up often. Make slow and controlled movements. This helps circulation, healing and your mind. 

Call your doctor. With any questions or problems. I have asked every little thing and was happy to get response within 24hrs very time. 

Avoid heat. Interaction with meds or simply the impact of changes in temperature can impact you more than you would think shortly after surgery, even if you feel great! 

Know your meds! What they do to help you, but also what thy can do I harm you. If you understand your meds you can much better adjust and work around it all. Also, don't become addicted! 

Call friends! Let people know what you are going through and let them help you, even if it's just a phone call! It's helpful to know people are thinking about you. 

Stay positive!  Listen to your body and be careful!

Outlook

I'm looking forward to  start doing slow airsquats and increase my daily walks. Hopefully in a week from today I can drive and start PT! 

Second Night and Day Post OP

I slept 4 hours straight and then took a muscle relaxer. My cat was keeping me up a bit. Then I fell back asleep around 6 and slept a couple more hours. Today, it felt like my left arm and shoulder pain was returning. Yet, the pain that I haven't felt in several weeks seems to return. I guess it is due to the swelling and I am going to stay optimistic and believe that that is the case. I will talk to my surgeon tomorrow. Maybe it was a bit premature to be excited about not having any more pain in my left arm right post op... 

I have to stay positive though. I have to rest. Maybe tomorrow, I will lay in bed instead of sitting in the recliner. The neck brace really bothers me. It hurts me. My incision, neck, and the area between my shoulder blades hurt a bit, too. Just cramps, spasms and aches. My staples in my head bother me as well. It's less pleasant today than it was at the hospital and I guess I wished I had stayed a little longer... But I was only approved for 1 night. 

Well, I ordered a wedge for my bed do I hope when that gets here tomorrow I will be able to sleep more comfortably. Also will not work at all tomorrow but rest... 

I have to remind myself: it's just day 2 post op. But I need to be more careful with movements and BLT.

This is not easy. 

Surgery done: Cervical Foraminotomy

KFirst of all, sorry for all potential typos. I am using my phone and I am on Percocet :), Valium, some anti inflammatory and have the oxygen cord in my nose :)

I wanted to give y'all a brief summary on my surgery that I had yesterday: 

My surgeon cut posteriorly and scraped out the disc material that protruded into the left foramen and pushed on my nerve roots at C5/c6. He also removed 4 bone chips that were floating around. 

Everything went very well, he said, and The anesthesiologist told my husband it was definitely a necessary procedure. (I had doubts I really needed it because I was feeling much better since Auguat).

Now a bit about my experience and the pain: 

I got up at 5am yesterday and arrived at the hospital at 6am, checked in and everything just happened smoothly. My vitals were checked and then the first nurse tried to do my IV. She tried 3 times but then gave up. She blew my veins Which was so far probably the worst pain. My anesthesiologist then came in at 7 and took over. She numbed the area if my left hand (since my right was poked a bit ;) ), and  had no problem putting the IV in. My surgeon and neuro-monitoring guy came in to check on me and share positive words, and I signed my consent. While rolling through the halls  to the surgery area I was talking about my giant dogs and crazy cat, I rember getting in and out an elevator and having a hard time keeping my eyes open in what seemed to be a surgical "waiting room"- I think there were other people too so I don't know if that's where surgery was or not - don't think so but it was bright and white :)   - that's all I remember. 

I was out. Then I remember waking up in the wake-up area. My legs were shaking and I felt some pain all over, but most of all in my throat from the breathing tube. 

I was givien some pudding and Percocet and slowly woke up. Then I was brought to my room. 

I was very sleepy and it was hard to keep my eyes open. 

My hard brace was pushing in the back of my neck a bit and I had some trouble finding a comfortable position at first. Taking Percocet with pudding every 6 hours worked well. I have also been given anti inflammatories and antibiotics through the IV. And Valium later the day. I have not been nauseous and even got up to pee around 11am the first time, then walked on my floor and took five stair steps with the  PT. The OT said my strength was normal. 

I took another few laps  with my husband around 5 and before bed - actually felt not too bad - just slow, but helped done if the pain. Speaking if pain the worst pain I felt was on the right side if my head from the staples they put in for the halo. I had read about this before so it didn't shock me. 

Dinner was pretty good and more manageable than lunch (hummus with pita). I had Chicken Parmesan, spinach and whipped potatoes. And an edible flower - lol

In sum, my pain has decreased from 9 right after surgery to about a 7, occasionally a 6. I have been able to sleep 2 hours before my nurse came in at 12:30am this morning/night to give me more pain meds and check vitals. My heart rate has been stable but in the low end at 98/55 and my pulse occasionally fell under 40 which is why she plugged in oxygen tubes. Just in case. I am an athlete though so my pulse is ba rurally low. 

Then I slept till 4:15 and went to the bathroom, had another vitals check and got anti inflammatories. More Percocet at 6m. I had the option to leave yesterday but believe it was better to stay one night just in case. 

I should be home around noon today. 

I'm going to make it a point to walk every hour and need to be more careful with not twisting and turning. I'm pretty stiff right now and hope it will get better soon, 

Here is a pic of me from yesterday around 11am

From here it will only get better :)

Last day before surgery

I vacuumed the house one more time, washed a load of clothes and dishes and was surprised with a giant dish of paleo lasagna from a friend! I am so grateful for the friends I have made here in not even a year. Before crossfit I was not good at meeting people and making friends, so this is a blessing and shows how awesome crossfit (or the people who do it) is :)

I stopped at the gym for a quick WOD and went swimming with another friend later today. My husbands mom arrived to help out around the house a bit, and my husband took off the next two days. I will be fine. It feels good to nein good hands and surrounded by good people :)

Iron scap

Bench

10-10-5-5-3-3

45-65-75-75-88-88#

10x10' Lsits on p-bar

1' plank

4x 10/10 ghd

10rds

10/10 tire step ups

10 44# kb swings

4x7 ring rows

Mobi

45' swim with kick board 

In 24 hours it's over. I am hungry. 

Countdown to Surgery

I have 3 more days before my cervical spine surgery on Tuesday. I'm not nervous yet, but have a lot to get done still which may be why I am not feeling anything. 

I'm trying to get some workouts in, too, just to not get too depressed. I've been failing lifts at numbers below my maxes and it's somewhat getting to me. I am also feeling like I am gaining body fat and just losing muscle mass. It's not going to be easier after surgery. 

On the bright side, I finally got a team together to do little filming projects. We call it "Faces of CrossFit" and we document people who crossfit. It's a fun little documentary style project. 

Here is a teaser: 

https://vimeo.com/m/103500201

I'll post more about it soon!

Here are my last two days workouts: 

Thursday

Iron scap

Mobi

5rds

5 Ring rows

5sec Ring holds

10 rds 

10/10 step ups

50m 70# farmer carries

3rds

15 Leg raises on p-bar 

10/10 ghd

25 push-ups 

Mobi

Friday

Iron scap

5rds 

5 ring rows

5 sec right holds

1' leg raises

1'plank

Front squat

5-5-5

45# - 88# - 110#

3-3-3

132# - 154# - 165#

1-1-1

176# - 187# - failed 198#

Bench

10 at 35# 

3-3-3 at 77#

3-3-3 at 88#

Wednesday PT and ModWOD

Just another day before surgery! 

30 PT with ultrasound, scap/back/shoulder massage and neck/head traction

Ion scap

Mobi

1k row in 4:05

5rds 

500m row

15 kb Russians @35#

10/10 pistols 

5rds

10/10 ghd

1' acc. Lsit 

1' acc. plank

Friday's ModWOD

If your symptoms have improved over the last few weeks, would you still go for surgery? I emailed my surgeon to let him know how things have been and we will see what he has to say. 

At the gym I even did some swings and cleans and I had no pain - just no strength. I realized that after surgery I will have to put A LOT of work in to gain my muscle mass, strength and condition back. But I can do it.  

Every lift and every WOD will be a post-op pr :) 

Warmup 

1mile  airdyne (33kcal)

Iron scap 

5rds

50 singles

12alt 25#DB curls 

10/10 tire step ups

1mile airdyne (38kcal)

1-1-1-1-1-1-1 power clean

35-55-85-105-115-125-135

6rds

50situps

25airsquats

10swings

1'plank

10pushups

Mobi

Surgery approved

In the beginning of the week, I found out that my laminosectomy/posterior discectomy was

approved. Scheduled surgery day is August 19th. It's getting real. From what I've read recovery will be longer than I thought. 

I'll have 2 weeks of strict rest during which I am supposed to walk but nothing else. Apparently I can drive and go to work after week 2. Have to wear the soft brace so I'm a bit confused on how I will be able to drive. Luckily, my new job doesn't officially start before Sep 10 but I'm sure I need to be on campus the week before for orientation. Anyway, before week six I will not be allowed to do activities either. I hope slow squatting will be ok. Then I can start slowly with light activities and physical therapy. That's over a month of not doing anything... Very scary! And then over a month of light activity. I won't be back to "normal" before November. Yuck. That's difficult. 

I really need to make sure I will eat right and get my nutrition in the best shape ever: no alcohol; no sugar etc. and I guess core work, air squats etc. as much as I can.

I am not really religious (although I'm Roman Catholic) but I found this quote on http://www.sheryllmonique.com/2012/07/the-visual-verse-isaiah-4031.html?m=1 

And liked it 

My interpretation may be a bit different but in essence I understand this to be pretty motivational and applicable for my situation. I need patience, and with this my strength will renew and I will come back stronger and more resilient. 

I just have I believe that that's true. 

I wished surgery was tomorrow.

Giving up is not an option

We all have been to points in our lives at which we began to question:

Which route should I take?

Will I make the right choice?

Or, is it even worth it?

Many give up right at this point. They listen to all the nay-sayers, the non-believers, and those who simply do not know what we humans are actually capable of. Trapped in a system that is sick in its own way, I can't blame anyone who is unable to break free. I have been there myself probably more than I would like to admit. Yet, I have learned fromy past experiences that truly anything is possible. I just have to keep reminding myself of that lower that lives within.

When I started crossfit almost 2 years ago, I had no idea of what it would actually do to me and how important it would become in my life. At the same time, and as much as (or because of the fact that) I live crossfit so much, I need to look inside myself to anchor my feelings and to not get carried away in the storm I am I finding myself in right now.

Crossfit has changed me.

Yes, I have become physically strong. In fact, stronger than I ever thought I could be, but while the weight on my bar increased, I began to shed the burdens I was carrying inside. I had always tried to fit in. I wanted to be accepted, appreciated, acknowledged and recognized. In crossfit, this seemed to be happening. Even without looking good on the outside. I mean, have you ever seen the faces we make when we lift heavy weights? And for me, I turn tomato red with any physical activity already. A sweaty mess. So, I rid myself of the burden of becoming yet another "perfect woman," and felt I was returning to who I was supposed to be. A strong woman - inside and out.

But it's not just the sport hat did this to me. It's the community. Never have I felt more welcomed, accepted, and supported than in the crossfit community.

In fact, without it - I guarantee - I would have already given up and surrendered. I would be miserable. And worst of all, I would not have acted in my beat interest. My "fear of failure" would have won over my "thirst for success." Yes, I would be so miserable.

Although I must admit that i am getting increasingly frustrated about being injured and especially about being unable to do what I love (insert CrossFit), I am starting to appreciate the side of me that is usually pushed to the side: vulnerability.

It is difficult to step outside and see my neighbors who are all about 20-40 years older than me do yard work, walk their dogs or even go for a jog. It is even more difficult to get in the car and pass runners, cyclists and those, on the contrary, who sit at the bus stop smoking a cigarette throwing away heir health... Most difficult, however, is to go to the gym to do simple stretching exercises and easy, modifed movements while everyone around me is rigging the PR bell - loud and proud - as they should be.

Being supportive of them is important to me. I can be happy with them,bbut I admit that their successes can taste bitter sweet. This is where I am being tested, and this is where I grow stronger. I feed from this. I may not use the fuel just now, but I will when I return.

As much as I hate being injured, as much as I hate not being in control of my body, I am convinced that setbacks like these are put in our ways to challenge us to new levels, to overcome the impossible, and to advance in a way that we simply did not expect.

Most importantly: GIVING UP IS NOT AN OPTION!

Here are two stories (one in German and one in English) that basically talk about willpower, not giving up, and the possibilty of the impossible:

The German article is about Sami Khedira, a German soccer player (Nationalmannschaft) who suffered a typical soccer injury: Kreuzbandriss (= rupture of cruciate ligament). His quick recovery is said to be a combination of both, excellent medical help and his hard work. Two important factors in anyone's recovery. I'm clearly shooting for my part, and so far I am consulting any source I can to get the best medical help available to me.

http://www.dfb.de/news/de/training-und-wissen/das-kreuz-mit-dem-kreuzband/61049.html

In this one, we learn about Miranda Oldroyd, a female crossfit athlete who had a car accident that almost cost her her life. Her story is inspirational and reminds me of my situation. I am not going to give up. I'd rather become the beast of airsquats and pistols but I will not make my injury define me.

http://espn.go.com/espnw/athletes-life/article/11250303/espnw-how-crossfit-saved-miranda-oldroyd-life

Recovery

Yes, I don't even have approval for surgery yet, but obviously, I am interested in recovery and all that comes along with it.
My doctor said if I have the surgery in the beginning/mid of August, I should count on 2 weeks in the soft brace, and be able to start work in September (I am a university professor, so no heavy lifting really). Then easing back into physical activity and doing PT, and after only 6 weeks I should be fine. Thus, I will be out for 2 months plus the 3+ months pre-op during which I already had to take it easy. This pause surely scares me. Basically, having to start over. I am telling myself though that all the core work and squats I am doing now and probably will be doing post-op for a while, will be beneficial in the long run. Eating a healthy diet has also become more important, so who knows what impact those "little" changes may bring as well.


Here is a great read about Peyton Manning and his road to recovery from the Washington Post, from October 2013. By no means do I compare  myself to him, ha, but I am pretty athletic and competitive, but this is encouraging and inspiring to say the least.

Pain, surgery, and athletics

For the last 5 months I have been living with pain and only for the last 3 months have I been stepping back at the gym- at least with overhead movements. Ironically, pain increased drastically with me doing this. Also, unfortunately those are the movements I need to work on most. I've been blessed with some strong legs and a decent booty, but my chest and arms are the weakest parts of my body. Consequently, I am strong at lifts that are are hip-explosive and utilize leg strength. Think cleans, deadlifts (I have a strong grip), thrusters, squats. 

While the pain in my shoulder and arm at first didn't quite stop me from hitting WODs, I soon started noticing loss of strength on my left side. At first, I explained it with being right-handed, and simply considered my left side less strong. Kind of BS, if I consider how I did extra heavy left-hand curls and focused on using my left more in training. It did not help.

Muscle weakness also caused me to not hit any more maxes and I began to stagnate and even regress. Then with my EMG and MRI results, and conversations with my doctors and PTs, I ended the cycle of denial and stopped through the pain.

Light-weight back squats, front squats, pistols, step ups, one armed curls, one armed pullups and push-ups, leg raises, one armed planks, lunges... Yep, basically lower body movements are ok, but nothing over head. Even TGUs on the left shall be avoided. The last PR in my records book was a 210# FS PR about a month ago. Since, I had to take more loads off the bar.

Focus on form. Focus on core. Focus on legs. But I it is very frustrating to feel like I am losing all my strength and fall bac behind everyone else at the gym.


So, I was seeking out data and stories about athletes returning to sports with and without back surgery.

Here are some if my finds


http://www.back-surgery.com/athletes-spine-surgery/

http://www.medicaldaily.com/pros-and-complications-microdiscectomy-and-why-tiger-woods-missing-masters-back-surgery-273900 (this one mentions Tiger Woods, who had back surgery)


http://www.michaelgleibermd.com/blog/74-professional-athletes-undergoing-cervical-spine-surgery.html (this one has short videos explaining different procedures and mentions Peyton Manning who had cervical spine procedures)


http://www.readingneckandspine.com/return-to-play-after-anterior-cervical-discectomy.html (nice read, written by a fellowship-trained orthopedic spinal surgeon named Setphen Banco (MD), citing studies and using Manning as an example as well)

http://www.orthogate.org/patient-education/cervical-spine/cervical-discectomy.html (summary)



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Today I did the following at the gym, just to keep working a bit - all very slow and controlled - watching my pain level.



1k light row set to resistance 3 for warm-up followed by some easy stretching

40/40 GHD

10rds 5-10sec Ring holds alternating high and low 

5-5-5-5 ring rows 

Working up to heavy FS

5-4-4-3-3-3-2-2-1-1-1

35-65-85-105-115-125-135-145-155-165-175 (which is 35# below my 1RM)

4 rounds Untimed

250m row

20 alternating pistols 

20 alternating curls with 25#right/15#left DB

20 alternating step ups with 10#DB on each shoulder