36 weeks pregnant - BS PR & anxiety

Last week, at 36 weeks I PRd my backsquat. I hit 2reps at 240#. It was surprisingly easy, but I decided to not go to failure and stopped after the successful lift. 

I was proud of myself and then soon got annoyed by people telling me it was because I am pregnant. Guys, there is no scientific proof showing that women who are pregnant can lift heavier. I have been working hard and I am dedicated to my programming, despite the fact that I am pregnant. I have to force myself daily to even get out of bed! And I took off all of December because I could not get myself to even go for a run. 

Being pregnant is a struggle and I have not enjoyed any minute of it (thanks also to nausea and heartburn since week 8!). I don't even want to think about post partum. It's going to be hard! Harder than post neck surgery! I haven't given 100% at the gym in almost a year now and, honestly, it really sucks! I have seen my strength slip away and moments like last week make me happy and proud of what my body is capable of because of my dedication and perseverance not because I am pregnant. 

This being sad, I am now less than 4 weeks away from giving birth and I cannot wait. I also cannot wait to start working on my body again. I'm scared about the first month post partum and even more so the entire journey ahead. I have been reading through blogs and articles and information and experiences are really mixed. I have no idea what to expect.

Will I have issues with DRAM (diastasis recto in abdominal muscles)? Will my pelvic floor muscles or posture be different? Will kegels and TVA activation to rebuild inner core strength help? How long will it take? And will I be able to focus on my recovery while taking care of a newborn? 

It's this time in pregnancy where I am getting nervous and scared not just about child birth but about the time to come. 

And then there is my competitive mind screaming from the very back - because it's been placed on hold for so long. It's screaming because it's hungry and I truly do not want to shut it up just yet. I actually believe that I can do it. And I also believe that I can surprise myself because I have not yet shown what I am capable of. It's the not knowing that makes me anxious and impatient. But I have promised myself that I will not give up. This is just adding fuel to the fire. 

15.4 and 15.5 and pregnancy

For 15.4 I decided to mod the HSPUs. Just a few days before, I had done HSPUs in a WOD, but I didn't feel like it for 15.4. Instead I did the scaled version with 65# push press but heavier cleans at 105#. I got to 87 reps. Not great but not shabby. I didn't push myself too much. Recently, I have been concerned about getting my heart rate too much through the roof and aim to keep breathing steady. I am not wearing a heart rate monitor but I think I stay somewhere around 140-150.

I've been consistently doing strength class, however, and weightlifting really feels good. But I just get out of breath super quickly so anything tNg or more than 6reps at a time is challenging. 

 Similarly, I decided to go slow and steady  for 15.5. I'm usually a pretty good rower and like the damper set to a high resistance but I decided to keep it low  - at 5 - and keep cals per hour around 850 rather than 1100. I also took a "chalk" break after each row and then broke up the thrusters into 4 or 5's and sometimes rested on top: I did do the round of 9's unbroken though, and I wished I pushed myself a little more to hit sub 12 but 13:15 wasn't too bad. 

I was not out of breath and actually liked this WOD the most. It was the easiest of all to manage at 8 month pregnant. 

Just 7 more weeks to go. I cannot wait and I am also super excited to get on to  my new post-pregnancy training plan!! Maybe my husband and I will decide to better equip our garage gym - if not, I will just have to work around it and use what we have.  It will work out. 

15.2 and 15.3 pregnant modifications

I'm down to one digits now - only 9 weeks to go (hopefully) before my baby girl arrives!! I cannot wait and despite the nausea, heartburn and fatigue that I have gotten used to by now, the third trimester has been the best trimester for me so far.  

Working out has been far from easy but I can tell it has been good for me. 

I surely can't wait to dive back into giving 100% and pushing myself to higher limits and I believe I have said that before, but taking it a bit easier has taught me a lot as well. 

It's always just going to be ME against MYSELF - I don't care about comparing myself to others anymore. It's truly freeing. That does not mean I won't compete or sign up for the opens next year but it means that I will first see my performance in relation to my ability and then in relation to where I am compared to others. It's secondary. I have so many goals I want to reach that only I can work on. "The others "may be a pushing factor to reach these goals but that's really about it. 

In that mindset I did  15.2 and 15.3. I had to modify both WODs and since I did not like the scaled versions I just made my own. 

15.2: I did regular pullups and 55# OHS and got to 139 reps. I honestly did not want to finish that round and was happy to stop there :) my heart rate was getting a little too high as well and I am working on keeping it at bay. 

15.3: Instead of Muscle Ups I again just did regular pull-ups but I kept the wall balls at 14# with 50 reps and the DUs at 100 reps. I got through two rounds plus 8 reps , so a total of 322. Not too bad, considering how slow I went on WB and DUs. I broke WBs into 5's and DUS into 50 and then 25's on the second round. I also had to take breaks to breathe and get my heart rate under control. 

Both wods were fun and I would hope for 15.3 to be the one to be repeated next year so I can see how far I've come since neck surgery and having a baby! 

I'm kind of anxious but also excited to see how my body reacts after having a baby. But I know I will need a plan and set out goals. 

Competing at the Turkey Challenge in November will be one of the things I want to be able to do. And I want to do it well. But the next challenge will be 15.4 and 15.5 and then giving birth. 

30 weeks pregnant, lifting and WODing

Working up to a 80% (190#) 3 rep Backsquat

I am now 30 weeks pregnant and I grow more impatient every single day.
Luckily, I feel a bit better but I am still slow and out of breath after 2 sets of stairs. However, I can still lift weights and the sun started showing her face again!

I worked up to a 80% 3rep Backsquat the other day (190#), as well as to a Deadlift by feel but stopped at 235#. Yesterday, I practiced  split jerks and got to a 3 rep at 135#. I felt fairly strong. Even the WOD afterwards felt pretty good (I got almost 8 rounds of 12' AMRAP  5 G2OH / 10 DL at 95# and 15 BJs [but I did step ups to be safe!]).

Bodyweight movements have become increasingly difficult and, while I can still string 3 kipping pullups together, T2B are down to singles. BUT, that's ok. I am working on a training plan to rebuild core strength after delivery. The idea is to make sure I regain a strong basis of ab and core muscles as well as stamina before even thinking about getting back to 100% working out again. I will run, swim, walk, do light weights and bodyweight exercises.

I might drop out of Crossfit for the month of June when the baby is just a newborn and see how I can manage at-home-exercise first. But until then, I will be hitting the gym at least 5 times a week if at all possible.  Even though I am super tired and usually not motivated to do anything really, it does help me feel good about myself and actually energizes me at least for a short while. This being said, today I won't have time to workout, but I will make sure to see what 15.3 is going to be. I had to mod 15.2, so I am hoping for movements I can do Rx.

15.1 at 28.5 weeks pregnant

I did the first 2015 Open WOD Rx'd. I am not going to submit my score. It was fun and frustrating at the same time. 

A year ago I was in pretty good shape: this year around I could have been in awesome shape and I guess given the circumstance - having had neck surgery barely 6 months ago and entering the 3rd trimester of pregnancy - I still am in good shape. 

I decided not to sign up for the open, however, to not get sucked in to comparing myself. Yet, my competitive mindset is upset about it. I am burning to compete again. Ugh.

So doing the first WOD of the open was quite interesting. My belly was in the way on T2B and I had been doing them on the rings recently. So, doing the WOD Rx'd basically meant being no-repped almost on every T2B. The deads and snatches at 75# were easy and quick. But I also only got through 3 rounds plus a couple of T2B. 

Yet, the clean and jerk was a fun event. I opened with 115, did one at 135, and 155. Not too bad. 

Obviously, I didn't push myself, and that's where the dilemma starts in my head: how could I have performed not being pregnant?! I will never know. Comparison is the thief of joy. I need to tell myself that.

In fact, at our gym the competiveness between some athletes is ridiculous! What happened to empowering one another? What happened to mutual support? Instead, they all try to our beat each other by doing the workout 2 or 3 times... I'd probably do it twice but

To beat my own score! Not somebody else's! I did not train the way they did, I did not prepare mentally or eat the way they did! How can I compare my physical state to theirs when t should be only about my own? Ugh. I hope when I do the open next year I will remind myself of this. 

This year, while it is frustrating not to go all out, I am observing the craziness of what is called the crossfit open!

Week 24 - getting bigger

This post is from last week:

A year ago I wanted my muscles to get bigger, one year later and I am looking at my tummy to do so. 

I'm not going to lie, being pregnant for the first time teaches you a lot about body image and self perception. I lived through being overweight as a teenager and then being bulimic/anorexic through college until I finally started treatment at the end of 2008. I really started accepting my body once I started crossfit in 2012. It took a while but for the last 2 years I have been pretty comfortable in my body and even wanted to get bigger (muscles):

Well,  now I feel like I'm thrown back to those awful teenage years. I feel like a walrus, and, no, it's not because I'm pregnant and it's normal to gain weight - though I am thankful that's what society keeps telling me - it's because I am allowing myself to eat anything at anytime. Yes, that may be because I am pregnant. I may also have swollen ankles and hands and water retained in every cell. I'm trying to be ok with it. I'm trying to focus on keeping my unborn baby girl healthy. It's the same sentence over and over: It is only temporary. 

Once our little monkey is here I will be able to go 100% at the gym again and beat my PRS but for now I am holding back to protect my baby. It's my instinct and my motherly worries that make me do that. Before I was pregnant I would have never ever even thought about holding back. I would have probably judged (inside my mind) those who allowed themselves to indulge, lose discipline and gain unnecessary weight. 

But I get it now. It's not about me- it's all about the unborn life inside me now. It's not easy to be a pregnant mother, a soon-to-be first-time-mom and a person with past body image, food issues, a sense for competition and love for CrossFit. I know there are things in this world that are far worse but yet my struggles are valid and real - at least to me. 

I guess this post is just a brief reflection of my current state of mind, disorganized and self-absorbed. But I am just being honest about my feelings at 24 weeks pregnant and my painful reality of getting bigger. Truth is, I do not like being big and heavy without the strength and muscle that I used to have. And I am scared I will fall into that trap of giving in and not getting back on my feet. It was so hard as a teenager and I do not want to relive these emotions, yet, I am scared I can't get back to my fit self again. 

But I am working out. 

Today I just did some lifting:

Warm up

500m roe

Iron scap

500m row

Stretching and mobility

3RM OHS worked up to a "what felt heavy" 50kg

Then strength cycle work from MBS:
1. Clean 5 sets of 1 @ 65% of your 1RM Clean & Jerk @100/45. Level load across all 5 sets. Linear progression each week 2.5kg increase

2. Back squat, Start by working to 90% of your 1RM Back Squat which is currently 220/100 (so 200/90). 

Then, 1 drop set of 5 reps. Drop set at 13kg down so at 75kg

3. Deadlift, Work to a 3RM. Then, 1 drop set of 5 reps. Drop set at 30kg down if your 3RM is above 180kg. Drop set at 20kg down if your 3RM is below 180kg. Linear progression each week. Target a 10kg increase each week if your 3RM is above 180kg. Target a 5kg increase each week if your 3RM is below 180kg.

CrossFit Total - 22 weeks pregnant

A little over one year ago when I moved to Colorado and started at MBS, I did the CFT with

Backsquat 205

Press 95

Dead 305

= 605

My pre surgery and pre pregnancy CFT which I did around May 2014 was 

Backsquat 240

Press 105

Dead 330

= 675

Now, 5 month post-op and 22 weeks pregnant I am at

Backsquat 220

Press 95

Dead 275

= 590

Only 15Ibs below where I was a year ago. I am amazed about what the human body is capable of. In fact, the backsquats felt easy today but I am not maxing out while pregnant. My mind won't let me. The dead wasn't pretty but didn't feel heavy. And the press?! Well, I am still gaining back the strength in my neck and shoulders, and I felt and feel the loss of muscle here or anything overhead the most. 

But I must say, I am glad to be back at the bar. The cardio makes me sick so I am not seeing improvement there but that is ok. 

A friend pointed me to the article Elisabeth Akinwale just posted about pregnancy and fitness. http://elisabethakinwale.com/

She puts it in perspective. 

Today, I was just very happy with my results and the way I felt and that is a good thing. 

Team WOD 20 versus 33 weeks

Today, I did a workout with my former comp partner and I felt like a lazy, slow slob. She is 33 weeks and kicked my butt! It's tough not to compare yourself to  someone who is in your shoes, farther along, and still killing the WODs. I asked myself what was wrong with me. I came to he conclusion that she is having a boy and I am having a girl - we both don't know th gender of our babies yet, so, obviously it's just a theory. 

I felt like I did my first Crossfit class ever today. Very interesting experience and very frustrating. I'm sore and tired. I am questioning it all. But I will try my best to keep going, improving and hopefully in a year from now be where I was a year ago or better ahead (or pregnant again...). 

Yet, it makes me feel better overall to workout despite the miserable condition I am in and despite all the anxiety it brings up. I just need to keep pushing while listening to my body. 

My Truth about Staying in Shape during Pregnancy

Before I got pregnant I was in pretty good shape and I always told myself that when I get pregnant I will do everything to stay in shape. I said I didn't understand how women would not work out or how they would use pregnancy as an excuse. Well, hello reality! I very well understand  it now. 

During the first half of my first trimester I was still recovering from neck surgery but had kept my shape pretty well considering the circumstances. Then, nausea hit me and it wasn't just the kind of nausea that would go away with the simple tricks your doctor or the media would tell you. I had (and still have) extreme nausea and take medication to help ease it at least a little bit. 

Anyway, I still managed to make myself workout at least 4 times a week but then I got sick with the flu which I dragged with me for an entire month. It was  impossible for me to work out. I walked the dogs - that was it. I could watch myself, or my fitness that is, go to hell. I felt (and still feel) like a fat, lazy kid who enjoys eating more than physical activity. It scares me at times, because it is not like me at all.

Well after a month of laziness and overindulgence in "bad" or comfort foods I finally made it back to the gym again: 

We CrossFitters keep track of our times and I was by far the slowest on the board today. A year ago I would have laughed about this workout: today I cried. 

I realized that I am not that fit mom I always wanted to be. It is in fact not always that simple to be what you vision yourself to be, I already knew that, but I am very determined and I persevere. But this got mom ideal just doesn't seem to be working out for me at all even though I was in great shape before or when I got pregnant. 

At first, I felt like a failure, as if I let myself down because I let myself "go". But my truth is that I just listened to my body and that was to take a one month break and also to eat whatever I wanted. In the end I will be ok. Working out today felt like I started crossfit for the first time in my life but it also showed me that it is ok to be slower and weaker. I get a chance to start over in perfecting my movements and technique. 

It's not easy to accept to be less strong and slower than I used to but it is what it is and it does not mean that I am weak. After all, my body is changing in ways I have never experienced it. I guess what I am trying to say is that it is ok to be imperfect. Even though it is painful not to meet your own standards and ideals, it does not take away your worth. It is all relative. Life is unpredictable and provides the greatest challenges. All we need to do is accepting our truths. 

Pregnant and not wodding

Before I was pregnant I always said that I will work out during pregnancy and that I don't see a reason why I shouldn't. 

Well, already during my first trimester, I noticed that I simply could not do it. As much as I wanted it, I was physically or mentally (or both) not able to do what I had promised myself. While it's been very hard during the first trimester primarily because of nausea and shortness of breath, I have been sick all of my second trimester so far. At first, I pushed through but then I realized that what I was doing was not good for my body, so how could it be good for my baby.

It's been an internal struggle and I had to surrender myself to it eventually. Almost 4 weeks without physical activity does not make me feel good, but at the same time I know that I made the right choice.

Yet, I am scared, because I am getting "fat and lazy". I now understand why women gain weight during pregnancy, why some say they just cannot work out and I can also see how you get sucked in a cycle that will keep you lazy and getting even fatter. I sometimes think, I shouldn't care and just worry about it once the baby is here but I am also scared I won't find my way back into training and good shape. Right now I am just scared to be in even worse shape Han I would think I should be. I hate to disappoint myself. And I truly hate that I have to admit that I am not that woman, not that pregnant mother-to-be who can kick butt despite pregnancy. In fact, there are so many things I probably could still make myself do that I simply don't because... Because I don't know! No reason! I feel like I have given up. And I feel like this baby is taking it all away. 

It's going to be an interesting second have of my pregnancy and I hope I find some enthusiasm and energy to fight my "laziness" that's come about by my nausea and tiredness and feeling off. 

Weeks 15-17 pregnant, sick, flying and NO exercise

Week 15: The week before Thanksgiving I started to get sick. I worked out Monday and Tuesday before but probably shouldn't have. I felt worst on Thankagiving, and better again on Sunday. It was quite difficult to not work out knowing I was going to be gone for two weeks when working out would be even more of a challenge. 

Week 16: I flew to Germany and felt googd the day of the travel until I arrived and sat in the car from Düsseldorf airport back to Cologne. I had to throw up quite a bit. Maybe because I hadn't been taking my diclegis (nausea/morning sickness meds). I had another episode driving to Bremen for a day the following Thursday. I decided to hold of with working out until I felt better. So I did and I went running and did a mini body weight wod Saturday the 6th. I felt good while exercising and wanted to keep doing it every day, but the next day I started to feel sick again with a sore throat, cough and runny nose. The rainy and cold weather didn't help either. 

I gained 5ibs duringn that one, well two weeks of not wilting out and I am scared to death I will keep gaining. It's not hat I could say it's because I am pregnant. It's truly because I am sick, lazy and eating a lot of food, including loads of Christmas treats. I whether my food evey day in my log and even though I do not have a surplus of calories I am gaining- clearly because of what I am eating. I am starting to be terrified about weight gain. I am starting to fall into very old patterns and being sick is not helping to overcome those yet. 

Yet I know I need to get over this cold before I can really start tackling my activity decrease to increase it again. 

Week 17 has just started and I am about to lose my mind over the whole gaining I weight and losing fitness issue. 

The holidays need to be over. I need to be healthy and fit again. This pregnancy has been far from enjoyable and I have thoughts of failure creeping in and fears that I won't be able to return to my old shape after the pregnancy... 

Where is my determination and discipline these days? Is this normal in pregnancy? To doubt everything and be frustrated with everything?

Ugh. 

It's ok to suck! You are making a human!

At first I boringly titles this post with "pregnant, sick and frustrated" but then I remembered that I had just posted my current mantra to a friends FB post. She was talking about affirmations in crossfit and how she had used "I can trust my legs!" At last weekend's competition in which she had to do some heavy front squats - a lift that's not her strongest. 

I guess, I need to remind myself of he "this is where I am at right now". 

Nevertheless, here is my original venting post abou being sick, pregnant and frustrated.

So, I caught a cold that I don't seem to get rid off. Nevertheless, I decided to go to the gym and WOD. I'm still not sure whether this was smart or not. I have not been able to hit weights I should be able to, nor have I been able to breathe. 

But, working out made me feel good in the moment. Who knows, maybe I will feel better tomorrow, or after Thanksgiving. 

At any rate, being sick has made me feel even worse about myself and I have encountered some depression and frustrations. 

I checked my weight this morning and I am doing just fine in terms of that, however, I feel like a fat kid and my body has blown up like a water balloon although my weight has not really changed.

Before pregnancy my weight has always been somewhere around 140-150# with a body fat of 16-20. I'm pretty sure my body fat now is through the roof but my weight is at 150# at 15 weeks. 

I usually don't worry too much about weight but now that my strength (and muscles) has decreased I am getting frustrated and anxious.

Maybe this is just a phase, but so far pregnancy has been nothing but nauseating, frustrating, and long... And I am just 3 months in. 

Sorry, but I needed to vent today. 

Being pregnant is different for everyone. Unfortunately for me it's no fun at all. 

Pregnant 14 weeks and 2 days

This week was kind of tough. I bought a cold and only managed to work out Monday, Tuesday and today - lifting sessions primarily.

Going in today I did not perform as well as I though I should or could have but I guess I need to remind myself that a strength day after being sick and in bed for three days usually is not a super awesome day. 

This was on the plan after the warmup;

1. High Hang Power Snatch -3RM then 2x5reps @-10% 

My 3RM was 30kg

2. High Hang Power Clean- same

My 3RM was 50kg

3. Push Press - 3x3 AHAP 

For me 2x@45kg and 48kg

1 rep post-surgery push press PR at 50kg

I need to work on my rack, my elbows come down and the bar does not sit on the shelf. 

Generally a good workout to come back to just didn't feel it. 

This weekend I'll be judging at the MBS Turkey Challenge and I really hope I myself will be able to compete next year! 

Half-marathon row anyone?

I did it. 

Before my surgery, I think sometime in June, I rowed a 10k and I remember I did not like it very much. It took me about 45minutes. The last record I have of a 5k for time is at 21:25 from January 2014. Obviously being pregnant and being 3 months post neck surgery I was not expecting to be anywhere close to that today.

Originally, I wanted to just row an hour, but I was over 10k after an hour and told myself to go to 15k and see. At 15k I felt like it was not worth stopping so I went all the way. 

I did not stop once: just did a few one-armed stroked to take sips of water or change songs on my phone. 

The next time I do this, I will need to have a playlist, that's for sure. 

The hardest were 6k-9k and then 18-21k everything else did not feel bad at all. Every now and ten people would come stop and chat, and that helped a bit.

I only went at like 80-90% and could carry out a conversation through the row. 

Bottom line, it was fun. Next time I hope to be doing it at 90-95% - obviously post baby but I learned that this was not awful at all and actually quite enjoyable. 

Here is my result: 

A split time of 2:11 was only happening in the beginning and the end. I stuck around 2:20 for most of it with the occasional 3:10 one-armed strokes :)

So, if you have nothing to do this weekend, go ahead and row! 

13 weeks pregnant and PRing

Granted, I am not PRing to the degree of my pre-surgery state but yet, I am making progress and feel like calling post-op-PRs...

So, I improved my FGB score from 207 at 4 weeks post surgery to 318 at 12 week post-surgery. Both times I did not do Rx weights to have an actual baseline and comparison score. I used 35# on the bars and 6# on the WB. I am sure he next time I'll do it Rx again and who knows maybe then I'll even beat my previous Rx score. 

I have found any body weight and upperbody strength exercises very challenging. Not only have I lost stamina but also strength in all areas. Yet, my lifts since surgery have been steadily increased even though my pregnancy is progressing. 

A few 3 rep max lift PRS I achieved within the last 7 days:

Deadlift 3RM 107kg

Snatch balance 3RM 35kg

Jerk 3RM 55kg

Backsquat 3RM 84kg

Squat snatch from boxes 3RM 38kg

Squat Clean from boxes 3RM 55kg

It's been challenging to take back on intensity. But then I read this wonderful article 

http://www.birthfit.com/2014/11/12/prs-during-pregnancy/

The problem for many, pregnant or not, is that they don't know what it means or feel like to be listening to your body. 

It's something hat took me a while and sometimes I struggle with the idea of "am I listening to my body or am I being easy on myself today?!" I feel like it's part the process of learning what's body does, can do and will do under certain circumstances and with certain desicions I make. 

Being pregnant, however, does put me at a position of not only listening to my body for my own sake but for that little peach that is growing inside me. 

I have learned to take more frequent breaths but I also try to push myself to a point that makes me feel acomplished. 

I am hoping my second trimester will bring back some energy and who knows maybe some more post-op PRs!

Pregnancy Week 11

               Our baby at 9 weeks! 

Food: 

I am starting to feel a bit better and my appetite  seems to be returning. I am still taking diclegis to help nausea and vomiting. Sometimes I am even craving certain foods (primarily complex carbs, such as Pumpernickel) but I have another week of my nutrition and lifestyle challenge to go thorough before I can indulge "limitless" in dairy and carbs again. 

I am currently eating tons of fruits (smoothies, bananas and nuts are my go to foods) I have notice weight gain in areas that bother me. Though he scale, hasn't changed much. Obviously, this may be further pushed by being pregnant, feeling bloated and generally "full". 

Workouts:

I worked out 5 times this week and noticed strength loss. Not only on upper body movements and lifts but also in my legs which is very strange and unusual for me. I was able to Frontsquat 175 but it was super heavy and my jerk only went up to 125 this week. Not to speak of my miserable attempts to dip and do strict pullups. While I am still trying to renounce and recover from neck surgery, I am not happy. 

WOD times also are significantly slower. I have identified several reasons

a) I am not willing to push myself as hard because I am scared I could harm the baby and 

b) I get out of breath unusually fast

c) it's in my head that I "should do better" and how I feel like a failure. 

On some wods I even opted to use lighter weights (very unlike me, unless I can physically not do them, but this week I really could have). 

So WODding has been not as much fun this week. Primarily, because I found myself in self-destructive self talk episodes coupled with passion- and motivation-lacking attitude towards the WODs and myself.

Lifestyle: 

I dragged myself to work every morning this week and on days I didn't have errands to do I took long naps after lunch. Generally, I have been fairly active this week though but I did not get all things done around the house that I wanted to. My husband and I did spend some eves wodding and snuggling together which made me happy and content despite the negative feelings I have had about my body and myself this week. 

Feelings and thoughts:

This week, I have noticed that I am increasingly frustrated about my decreasing performance. Especially my stamina seems to have disappeared. 

I know that part of it has to do with surgery as well which is just 2 months passed now. But it is very difficult for me to not be one of the leaders of the pack at my gym. Plus, everyone else is hitting PRs and improving. 

Sometimes I just can't believe that being 11 weeks pregnant makes me so much weaker. 

I've heard people say the second trimester was different and that the body will regain strength and tiredness will pass as well, but I am skeptical. However, I am not going to give up and I even started running short distances again. I am missing out on the next games and comps season but I want to bounce back as quickly and strong as possible. 

Yet, I am scared I won't. Not because I couldn't but because I will have a baby to take care of which will limit me to the possibilities of doing what I want when I want. But why worry about this now? 

Most important for me now is to get my body image in check and think about aome dietary changes for when the semi-paleo challenge is over. (I had done 6 weeks of strict paleo before and my body did not respond well to it that time either, so I am looking forward to eating what my body really needs and cutting back on some of the things I probably shouldn't have as much (aka bananas and nuts). After all I grew up on potatoes and my ancestors did - still hearing Oma's voice "Iss deine Kartoffeln! Während des Krieges waren wir froh, wenn wit überhaupt welche hatten."

Recovery and Pregnancy

Big announcement: we are 10 weeks pregnant!

The reson for my break on posting was primarily a result of morning sickness. I have been tied to my bed and bathroom for several weeks, only slowly improving. Needless to say, CrossFit has become secondary. It's been difficult to accept that I have to actually take a break on serious training. I'm not going to quit altogether but intensity and volume will not increase as planned post-op. Maybe this is a good thing as it will allow my body to fully heal, who knows?! But it surely makes me sad a bit to not be kicking ass during the opens in 2015. Have to wait for 2016.

On the upside, while my recovery from surgery went extremely well and I have been cleared by my doctors and called fully recovered just two month post cervical foraminotomy, I will now ten this blog towards croasfitting while pregnant and dealing with issues around being a first time mom. 

So keep checking back for stories and insights on my personal journey! 

Snatches, Cleans and Deads

Yesterday was rest day. I took the dogs for walks and did some mobility and PT exercises. Today, despite noontime exhaustion, I went to the gym and did e following:

Iron scap

Int/ext rotations

1k row in 4:26

Snatch work 

Power and squat up to 85# and felt good

Clean work

Squat clean to 120# and power to 125#

Deads

Deadlift 3RM to 190 and 1 RM to 230

Then mobi

20# kb lift ups and tgus

Strict banded pullups

Planks

Squats

Another day working out. It feels so good to be back. I'm weaker but that's ok. I'm just having fun for a while, maybe a year. 

I worked up to 175# 1RM front squat today. It was heavy but I made it and will slowly improve. 

So today:

45' PT

Iron scap

5x 250m Row sprints

Fastest at 1:48 split

5-5-5-3-3-3-2-2-1-1 

Working up to 1RM front squat 

Ended with 175#

3-3-3-2-2-1

Working up to heavy overhead squat

Failed at 100#

5-5-2-2-1-1

Working up to heavy bench

Failed at 95#

Superset 3-3-3-3-3

Push-ups 

Banded strict pull ups

Mobi

Sunday, Sep 21 Workout

Starting to do post-op testing

As part of our 8 Week Team Challenge, I have to log my workouts every day for a week, to get  daily lifestyle points. I usually do so anyway, but will do it on here, to make sure.
So today for my workout I tested some maxes.

Mobi

Iron Scap Sequence

Push Jerk: worked up to 120# 1RM
Push Press: worked up to 95# 1RM
Press: worked up to 85# 1RM
Deadlift: worked up to 230 1RM

Mobi