Nutrition Team Challenge - Day 1

I decided to do a nutrition and performance challenge at my gym. It started yesterday with a pre-WOD. 

Still in e brace I had to modify it of course: 

3RM deadlift and Fight Gone Bad

I hit 125 and 207 reps with a 6# ball and 35# bar. 

It was pretty exhausting but SOOOO much fun to be back. 

I started working out a bit more since Wednesday when I was cleared to do so by my PT guy. 

I am concerned a little bit about some pain in my shoulder. I may need to get that checked out again to rule out anything else. 

But my scar is healing well.

The challenge started well, although I didn't gain any bonuses for great performance. I hope I'll improve by the end of it. 

We had measurements and pictures taken.

My weight was at 147# with 115 LBM. 

My goal is to lose some fat and gain some more LBM. So ideally, I'll stay around 145#.

We have a 30 day strict paleo rule after which we can add in dairy and some other items. I think the 30 days will be challenging but today went surprisingly well and I am pretty stoked about cleanigg up my diet and getting back into even better shape than before my surgery! 

Here is to health and fitness! 

4 positive side-effects of being an injured Crossfitter

Being injured sucks, but I believe that in every negative there is something positive. 
If you can't see it right away, go look for it! It's all about how you approach your situation, and how you turn your mind towards positive thoughts and use your energy to strengthen your mentality.

Over the last months, I found the following to be true for me.

#1 Detaching from the Whiteboard

The whiteboard and its numbers are just relative. 

Many of us get attached to the whiteboard. I remember when I started CrossFit, I didn't even think I would be able to do a WOD in a "good" time or rx. A couple months in, I was able to rx, got my first pull up, toe to bar, and - to my surprise - noticed an increased time spent in front of the whiteboard. It had become a motivator and a "check-in point" before and after each workout; a way to measure not only my gains but also where I stood in comparison to others at my gym. Signing up for the Opens and completing the open WODs sometimes even fairly successful put this motivation on a whole new level... 

Then came injury. At first it was difficult to see others do so much better but with a little bit of time, I learned to detach myself from the whiteboard. And it's been cleansig in a way. I admit, whenever there is a WOD that I know I would have kicked butt, I take a look at scores and take a mental note. I may even do some of the WODs as part of my training plan when I return - and I know it will be motivating. 

#2 Mastering WOD Modifications

 Listening to the body sometimes means
to not put more weight on the bar

We turn to our Coaches when we are unsure how to do a movement or if we feel like we need to modify. They guide us and advice us. Where I train, we can usually chose to do the WOD at one of three levels, with L3=Rx. Also, our coaches are not only attentive and knowledgeable  but a great resource for ideas and help.
However, if you are injured over a prolonged time, you quickly learn to come up with your own modifications and WODs. I am not saying that my WODs are great but they allow me to use weights and equipment that I can handle or that I even have at home. 
Even when injured, I want to feel good about my workout and still challenge myself in ways that I am ok with. After all, the coaches are not in my body and only I really know what I need and can do. 
That's what's so wonderful about CrossFit: you can (learn to) modify everything. You won't be able to compare yourself to others on the whiteboard anymore, and if that's what you were thinking, how about you read #1 again. :)

#3 Seeing True Colors 

Being injured shows you whom you can trust
and who you can count on. 

We all preach the welcoming nature of the CrossFit community as a whole. And it's true, if someone asks me why I CrossFit, I don't mention last that I love the community, the people, and the support. BUT, it only goes that far. Before I was injured, I was getting stronger and performed pretty well at my gym. A PR here, a sub 3' Grace time there, you get the idea. I am myself a competitive person, so being injured was surely the last thing I wanted to experience while improving strength and fitness. But it happened. 

As the injury creeped up on me and I had to go down in weight or slow down my pace, I started noticing that others who I would usually beat would pass me and triumph. This is where I began seeing true colors in myself and others. In the beginning, it was very hard for me to let others beat me, but I had to listen to my body and not my competition. It still is difficult sometimes, especially during workouts that "are made for me," but instead of falling deeper into depression and obsessing with "failing" I turned it around and put my energy in #1, #2, & #4. Supporting and constructively judging others has become a priority, and strangely enough it's rather rewarding to be the cheerleader! 
Of course, I have also seen true colors in others. While most are supportive and sympathetic of my current physical state, others have shown that they do not care, but are rather "happy" that there is one girl less to compete with. This is the sad truth that is rarely talked about in the welcoming CrossFit community. There can be tension (maybe more between the girls than the guys?!) among girls. 

#4 Developing Mental Strength

Mental visualization is a useful tool,
especially when you are injured. 

Being a CrossFit athlete not only means to  be strong and fit, but it also tests your commitment,  determination, perseverance, and work ethic. While some argue that certain kind of people do CrossFit, you can learn or strengthen your mentality towards the sport and your training. 
Mental toughness is not a new skill, but oftentimes overlooked, and certainly not explicitly coached or taught in a CrossFit class. 
Yet, many of the skills that make up your mental strength, are easily trained if you put in some effort and work. 
Using the time of my injury has been a blessing in the sense that I had time to catch up on some readings about sports psychology and motivational as well as performance studies in athletes. One of the skills is mental visualization. Maybe you don't want to brush up on good form and technique while you cannot actively participate in CrossFit? Visualizing yourself performing will translate into your actual performance when you return. 
For me, that means for example, that I have been watching every Muscle up tutorial online, rewatched the videos of myself getting up in the rings, and imagining myself doing so when I return. Instead of muscle memory, I am actively building mental memory and the ability to translate thoughts into action for the day that I have regained the amount of strength that I will need to perform.
Without time off from surgery, I would probably not have invested as much into perfecting form and developing the mentality of being able to achieve and perform. The physical test will be here sooner than later. I am enjoying the preparation that allows me to believe and visualize that I can do this.

Intune: Mental and Physical Balance through CrossFit

I don't know why CrossFit has been so much more than just exercise for me. In my life, I have probably tried every sport on the planet, from swimming or running, over a common gym membership and aerobics classes, to lacrosse, soccer, and horseback riding. Yet, only CrossFit really helped me connect and consequently balance the physical with the mental. 

For example, when I used to run, I mainly did it to keep weight off or lose more. I don't think I ever really enjoyed running. Although, I kept telling myself that I did, and after the first couple of miles I didn't mind it and always felt good afterwards. Running was yet more a means to an end. 

Swimming, on the contrary, I really enjoyed, but I never really got as serious about it as that I would have given it more thought. Plus, I never really felt that comfortable in my bathing suit. A stupid struggle that developed out of the society-induced thinking that I needed to look a certain way. Nonetheless, I went regularly, and during the summer time, I would get a tan along with the swim. 

Horseback riding has always been therapeutic to me, but yet again, it's been more a sport for pure enjoyment. Plus, I never owned a horse and moved around quite a bit over the last 10 years so that I never established a connection with that one horse.

Going to the gym started to get boring but again I stuck with it again mainly to not gain weight and tone my muscles a bit. It was usually unstructured, or just the same routines, day in and day out - no pushing myself and pretty boring at times. Adding some of the classes was fun but I never really got into it. I guess, I'm not really a group sport or team sports person. At least in environments in which I felt like I didn't fit in. 

Those experiences boil down to having felt uncomfortable and not as fit as others, not as good as them. Maybe, I could have but I just never felt I would. And I constantly compared myself. 

When I started bikram yoga, I slowly began to realize that comparing is not helpful, but with all the mirrors in the room and all the positions that did not bring out the prettiest sides of me, it was hard for me to focus. I enjoyed it but again I mainly did it for the benefits it apparently provided. 

Why it was so different with CrossFit?! I have no clear explanation, but I know that even though I felt uncomfortable in the group settings at first, I started to see results quickly and was encouraged by the people around me. 

The community in CrossFit definitely plays a big role. Being supported by those around me and being a part of a community made a big difference. 

Fact is that I have never felt mentally and physically challenged the way I have with CrossFit, and it's a good challenge, one that makes me not only a fitter but also a better person. I learned to pay attention to the signals my body send. In the past, I ignored many of them. I thought nothing would ever happen to me and if I felt an ache I would take a pill and rest, but now it's different. 

I try to find causes so that I can prevent aches in the future. I eat healthy to allow my body to heal itself, and so that I do not need to rely on pills. I take care of myself and change things up, or rest, so that I don't cause more harm but allow myself to get better. 

In 10 days I will do a nutrition challenge that my gym organizes. I'm excited because we work in teams and besides getting in shape, we can win something. Incentives and accountability are in check, and it's going to be one of those community-driven things that I love about CrossFit! 

I am a happier and more balanced persons because of Crossfit. Even though I am currently not actively wodding in classes at MBS, I am still part of the community. And MBS has the best community :)

Mental and physical balance are rooted in a support system and I am happy I found mine in CrossFit, at MBS. 

Stop blaming CrossFit for my Injury - my take on my herniated disk

With my neck in a cervical brace, I have heard several people suggest to me that I should reconsider my choice of sport. That is when they knew I was (am) doing CrossFit. Then, my injury was clearly a consequence of CrossFit.

I find the idea of "reconsidering one's sport of choice" as a consequence of an injury very interesting. Especially, when there are options and ways of recovering from that injury.

In terms of the cause of my herniated disc, I cannot clearly say that CrossFit was the culprit. Did strenuous workouts and heavy lifts add to the problem? Probably. 
In anticipation for surgery I have read medical, research-based and non-research-based articles as well as personal stories and anecdotes - in my case specifically about disc problems: from lumbar to thoracic to cervical. I reached out to friends and family with similar problems and found it to be true that herniated discs simply happen. Being only 30 and suffering a disk herniation may be less common but funny enough, the cases in younger people that you do get to read about are those about people who use their bodies actively, athletes for example. It's not a new disease that was brought about by CrossFit. 

Yet, I think I would agree to say CrossFitters may encounter these problems more commonly because of their level of activity. 
And here is a shocker:  If you are using your body you consequently will feel your body. If you don't use it, a lot of issues may simply not show up. Other problems, however, might.

Luckily, disc problems are not a new problem, well-documented, and researched. It's something that can be taken care of surigically as well as non-surgically. The main reasons or risks for disk herniations to happen that I found were covered in most sources were (1) being overweight and inactive, (2) being engaged in contact or high impact sports (from football to skiing, and yes, including CrossFit) and (3) genetics. In the end, the choice of treatment depends on a persons lifestyle and occupation. 

But back to the suggestion of reconsidering my sport of choice. 

Let me ask you: Are you reconsidering playing soccer on your co-ed team because you have knee problems?  

Are you reconsidering kickboxing because you strained or broke your foot during practice? 

Are you reconsidering cycling because you overlooked a rock, fell, and broke your arm?

Maybe you do, and that is certainly fine, it's your decision, not mine. I hope you found something else instead. 

When I was a toddler, my babysitter accidentally dropped me and I suffered a neck injury. Ouch. An accident. And no, my babysitter was not sued and sent to jail. She may have become more careful with little children, or at least I hope so. 

But no one suggested to me to be unsupervised during my toddler years. 

When I was in elementary school, I ended up in a neck brace after jumping twist ropes. A wrong twist or turn and my neck was stiff. I don't think I quit jumping twist ropes after I recovered. Why would you take away such a fun and harmless activity from a child, right? 

When I was about 15 I passed out when cleanig my room because I turned or twisted my neck wrong and must have pinched a nerve. Did I quit cleaning my room after this? Nope. Alhough, I am sure I would have highly welcomed such a suggestion. 

When I was 19, I was rearended on the Autobahn in Germany. Several days post accident, I had headaches, stiffness and didn't feel quite right. Whiplash. Untreated. But no one suggested to reconsider driving as my choice of transportation.  

There would be more anecdotal stories of my life that could illustrate that for me, my disk herniation has a history, and my body decided that it was enough, and I needed to know something was actually wrong. On the contrary, I am grateful CrossFit gave me the ability to tune into my body, and feel the pain I was feeling when I was hanging of a pull-up bar or when I tried to bench press.

So, if we would have to reconsider our sport (or X) of choice whenever an injury happens, then we are ignoring something more crucial. Living life. 

I'm not saying "jump off a bridge and see what happens," but I am saying that if you do what you like, pay attention to the ways you are doing them and listen to your body and your body's response, then you can be happy, and yes, sure enough, you can also get hurt. 

Injuries happen. Injuries can be teachful, too. But I would never allow injuries to stop me from living my life in a way that I enjoy it. 

Just imagine what it would mean if we allowed every injury, sickness, or unfortunate consequence to gain such power over us. I feel like it would trigger a lot of anxiety. On top, it sounds exhausting. 

Instead, I rather spend my energy on accepting the things I cannot control, while listening to my body and being observant of the choices I make so that I can implement changes and prevent harm. 

In my experience, I have learned most from failures and mistakes; luckily, most of these moments offered a chance for me to build on and improve the things that I possibly did incorrectly or without enough thought. We all are learning constantly. 

But if every little set-back would stop us from reengaging with something we enjoy, I believe we all would end up in a pretty dark and desperate place. We would not allow ourselves to even learn anything anymore. We would be creatures with experiences that lead to nothing and that are unfulfilling.

In fact, we would turn ourselves and our autonomy in, and take away any sense of responsibility and self-determination from our actions. In my current state, I would turn myself into a victim of my spine injury. And, I don't want to be a victim. Injuries happen. 

My herniated disc would have happened with or without CrossFit. Maybe sooner, maybe later... potentially I would not have noticed it until it got way worse than it was now. Yes, without CrossFit I probably would have not chosen to undergo surgery. But I probably would be overweight, depressed, and unhappy. 

Opting for surgery was a conscious choice I made, it not only cost money but I paid a temporary price in quitting swimming, running, jumping, playing around with my 100-150# dogs. Things I chose to do. Things I enjoyed. Things that kept me sane. But, I am hopeful I can return to all of these activities again. 

In fact, I never fully had to stop CrossFit. I modified every workout and kept my body and fitness where I could while being injured.

Therefore, telling me to reconsider the choice of my sport makes me... Sad.

It misses the point.

If I would do that I would be miserable. More miserable than wearing this neck brace. Yes, there may be movements in CrossFit that after recovery won't be easy or that I may not even be able to do again, but I will simply need to relearn or find a new way of doing them. After all, it's CrossFit. Everything can be modified. Everything!

The question I need to ask myself is, what is it that my body can do and make sure I do it right. 

Finding something to blame for an injury does not make injury go away. It just creates misery.

In fact, it's more effective for me to find something that I can blame for getting better after injury.  I have a feeling, when I am cleared to work out again, that it's going to be the sport of my choice: CrossFit. 

#ifyoucanttoneittanit

ModWOD Tuesday

Iron scap

5' double unders

Backsquats

5-5-5-5-5

35#-57#-68#-80#-100#

3-3-3-3

111#-123#-134#-146#

2-2

157#-168#

1-1

179#-190#

5rds

0.5m airdyne

10alt dumb bell curls 25#

4x10sec L-sits

5rds

10alt tire step ups

20#medball airsquats

4rds

1' plank

15 leg raises

50 push-ups

Mobi

1hour of kick board swim

Final ModWOD Week Before My Cervical Spine Surgery

Monday is treating me wells of far. Although, I didn't sleep because of the full moon and I guess some anticipation anxiety for surgery. But I made it to the gym to get some work done. Although the bench was very frustrating! I could not lift the bar of the rack at 88#!!! WTH? So I did multiples at 80 and then a couple lifting "focus on form" WODs.

Mobi

Iron scap

Bench 5-5-5-5-5

At 45-55-65-75-80-failed 88

Then 5rds

10x Bench at 65#

5x push jerk at 45#

5x split jerk at 45#

10x leg raises 

3k Row in 13:54

10rds focus on form

10 OHS squad with 15# bar

10 "heavy" Russians 35# 

50m sled pull 100#

1k row cool down 4:35

Mobi

I actually feel a bit sore now...

My goal for the 4-6 weeks that I'm out is to do some positive thinking; affirmations and mental strength building. I'll also train my brain for lifting and movements. Maybe I'll even study to gt the L1 cert? Why not; right?

And, I initiated a video/interview project that will be awesome, too!! Life is good. 

And even though being injured (kind of awrong  label, because I didn't have an accident...) sucks, it is such an invaluable lesson. 

It will be ok. 

Friday's ModWOD

If your symptoms have improved over the last few weeks, would you still go for surgery? I emailed my surgeon to let him know how things have been and we will see what he has to say. 

At the gym I even did some swings and cleans and I had no pain - just no strength. I realized that after surgery I will have to put A LOT of work in to gain my muscle mass, strength and condition back. But I can do it.  

Every lift and every WOD will be a post-op pr :) 

Warmup 

1mile  airdyne (33kcal)

Iron scap 

5rds

50 singles

12alt 25#DB curls 

10/10 tire step ups

1mile airdyne (38kcal)

1-1-1-1-1-1-1 power clean

35-55-85-105-115-125-135

6rds

50situps

25airsquats

10swings

1'plank

10pushups

Mobi

ModWOD and Visit to Hand Surgeon

I took yesterday off as I had my pre-op appointment. Signed my life away, was given my cervical brace (hard), and learned that I will have to stay at the hospital over night... Booh, but probably for the better. Took the dogs for walks -poor babys will have to be ok with the yard for at least a month.  

Kaija may be ok with that as she was not happy to hear today that children perceive her as "huge". She barked and growled at the bullies ;)

Today, I went to Boulder to see a hand surgeon for my Vikings disease. It's mentally troubling but luckily it does not hurt not is contracting (yet). So, he said to monitor it. I can do whatever I want but if it gets worse I have to come back to get an injection. But he said, I might not be back in the next 10 years. 

He did call me a poster child for the disease, since I am of Germanic roots -very likely Viking (which I should call myself from now on!) and genetically predisposed. A year in the skin or trauma may have triggered the disease to show. He said it was very unlikely for a 30 year old female and believes that it should not progress quickly because of that. 

So monitoring it is for now. 

I have not been keeping up with good nutritional habits though... It is difficult for some reason to control my portions. It might be due to anxiety about surgery - I am not sure, but at least the quality of my food is good. And I still try to get a little workout in. 

I did the following ModWOD today:

Warm up

1k row in 4:17

Ironscap

1 round of 

10alt pistols 

10 push-ups/

5 negative pullups

10alt Russian get ups with 20#

10 leg raises

Front squats

5-5-5-5-5 with 2sec half range hold at each rep but the last

45#-85#-110#-132#-154#

1-1-1-1

154#-165#-176#- failed 187# :(

2rds 

50situps

1'plank hold

25 push-ups

10alt pistols

10legraises

10kb snatches 20r/15l

Modified wodding

Felt pretty good the last couple of days. Did a lot of cleaning around the house and yard work. I do feel pain in my arm with certain movements but overall it's been better. 

Trying to go heavy but I don't know if I'm scared to put on more weight, or just don't have the strength for it. 

But that is not important right now. I am listening to my body and that is good. I always have though which makes it almost more frustrating that I am hurt. The doctor said it's an injury that developed over time, so there is nothing I could have done to prevent it. 

It's going to put me to a reset. But until the reset point I am going to do what I can. At the gym, at home, and in general. 

Mentally this has taught me a lot. It's put things into perspective. I have learned to be even more supportive of other athletes but I also had to learn how support for an injured looks like - and how some may be thankful I am out. 

There is a fine line like with so many things. Psychologically, it's just really interesting to observe.

Despite all the challeging moments of pain and/or depression I can say that I am definitely becoming a better athlete because of this experience.

Monday

Ironscap

WOD 1 

4rds

.5mile airdyne

16 alternating 25# DB curls

20 tire step ups

WOD 2

4rds

500m row

1' plank

20 leg raises

Mobi

Tuesday

Ironscap

Backsquat

3-3-3-3

Up to 80kg

1-1-1-1

Up to 100kg

5-5-5-5 up to 70kg

Row 500m in 2:00

1' plank

5 of each: pull up negatives/24"box step ups/ring rows/leg raises

Row 500m in 1:57

1' plank

5 of each: pull up negatives/24"box step ups/ring rows/leg raises

Row 500m in 2:07

1' plank

5 of each: pull up negatives/24"box step ups/ring rows/leg raises

Row 500m in 2:04

1' plank

5 of each: pull up negatives/24"box step ups/ring rows/leg raises

Cool down 1k row 4:45

Mobi

Squats and airdyne - airdyne and squats

Here is what I did yesterday and today. 

Felt sore and some pain in my deltoid, infraspinatus and teres (minor

 and major). My biceps, wrist, elbow and forearm have not been bugging me lately. I do think my triceps (long and lateral) hurt though. Or the corabrachialis. Maybe they are just sore beause they try to compensate? 

Anyway, I did have some more headaches today while doing Ghd sit-ups... I will not do them for a while. And pistols didn't feel too good on the right calf...rest as well. 

Wednesday

Warm up

Roll

5-5-5-5 ring rows

25/25 Ghd 

1' plank hold 

Squat holds

Front squat 

3-3-2-2-2-1-1

Up to 170#

WOD 5rds

1m airdyne

20 toe to rig raises

20 alternating dumbbell curls 20# each

Airsquats

Mobi

Thursday

Roll

Iron scap

20 leg raises for quality

50/50 ghd

WOD 3rds

1m airdyne

5-10 sec / 3 rep L-sit

20 alternating DB curls

3 x15 calorie airdyne sprints 

Goblet 35#squats and Pistols and planks for fun in 10'.

Mobi

Working out while injured

Yes, I have an acute c5/c6 disk herniation, as well as a knot into left palm that has today been diagnosed as Vikings Disease/dupuytrens contracture (beginning stage) but the pain and discomfort is not going to stop me at the gym. To a certain extent that is. Obviously I cannot do overhead stuff or hang on the rings, do pull ups etc but I can squat (front, back, one-legged, goblets), I can hit miles on the airdyne, slow one on the rower and do lunges, leg raises, planks, one-armed stuff etc. I am working around my injuries. 

I have to do this because otherwise I would allow depression to creep up, and I would probably encounter other health problems to develop. 

Yes, it's hard to not do the things I love in the way that I would like to, but I have to deal with it and tell myself that it will be ok. That I will be ok. 

Monday

Warm up

50/50 Ghd

Airsquats

WOD 1

5 rounds

1.5m airdyne 

1'plank

3-3-3-3 front squats (light)

WOD 2 

5rounds

10 right arm 35# KB snatch

50m 100# sled pull

10 alternating pistols

 

Stretch

Tuesday

Iron scap

Roll

Band

5-5-3-3-3-3-2-1

Backsquats up to 210#

3 position power clean

Up to 130#

WOD 

3k row in 13:30

25 Stabilized planks

25 Toe to rig

30 alternating 20/25# DB curls

Mobi

CrossFit Withdrawal

While the Games ended today - Chapaeu, Froning and Leblanc-Bazinet - but  I already feel signs of "CrossFit withdrawal" that are expressed in mental obsession with, and anxiety about my performance and level of strength. I have been working so hard to get where I was and really don't want to lose any of my strength but instead I want to keep working on my weaknesses. But I cannot. I had to quit.

I am starting to freak out.
I don't want to start over nor do I want to accept it if I need to.

I'm trying to tell myself, that it will be ok, that I will just get super strong legs and work on my core. And that's what I am doing, but honestly, I feel like I won't be able to get my chest, shoulder and arm strength back as quickly as I would like to when I can work it again. If I can work it again: 

I'm also getting scared about my gymnastics. I mean I really need all he time I can get to work on my muscle up, my handstand walks, and aside of that my snatch. Let's say, I can return to my normal workout style in October, how long will it take me to get my strength back? How fast can I work on butterfly, and other drills?

Ugh, the metcon part will be ok. I have big tank and I usually only need a couple of months to get that in shape. But, the rest... 

And if I need hand surgery also I'm going to scream! Seriously. 

My game plan for now is: 

1. Rest my left hand and pray that the knot will just disappear;

2. Work on my core and legs;

3. Get the epidural injection in my neck;

4. Work on nutrition;

5. Stay sane and breathe.

Whiteboard obsessions

Ever been to a CrossFit gym? If so, you've probably seen a whiteboard with lots of names and numbers, and wondered "what the heck?!"

That was my first thought at least, whenever I began CrossFit. 

But, soon I found myself drawn to the board. I checked out other peeps' numbers and wondered if I would ever be able to get that Rx sign next to mine. I still don't have it on all WODs - especially not now that I can't do any upper body movements - but then, once I had it, I kept wondering if I can shave off seconds and minutes of my WODs - especially the benchmark WODs. I found myself liking the competition and I found myself liking getting  better at movements. 

I worked on getting double unders for probably 3 months after failing miserably on 13.3 and I still need to get more comfortable with them. Without the whiteboard I would not know this.  

The whiteboard constantly reveals to me what I need to work on. And of course, it makes you feel pretty good to see your name and number shows that you beat others'. Within a year I have improved tremendously not only on WODs but on lifts. I have kept pretty good track of my numbers since I started, and cannot complain that I was not getting stronger. 

Until now. Until my injury put my CrossFit life on hold. I should have taken that shoulder pain more seriously back in March. I should have rested and not competed at local competitions. But I did not imagine that it was that serious. So March through May I worked through the pain, even worked more on handstand walking and muscle ups. I wanted to keep my numbers up on the board.

I paid the price in June, when I realized that I needed to stop. Some days in May had already shown me that I needed to get this figured out. I started Physical Therapy, but whenever there was a WOD that would allow me to do well, I would do it. I hit lots of PRs April and May and strength-wise was probably right behind Andrea Ager at our gym. Deadlift 355#, Back squat 235#, Front squat  210#, Squat Clean 190#, clean and Jerk 180#, Jerk 185#, just snatch, press and bench were not improving. I hated the days at the gym on which the board would reveal my weaknesses, and I truly hated having to modify WODs. I was. terrified of losing upper body strength. However, cervical radiculopathy means weakness. So, I am in pain and I have lost strength. I can't do anything about it - not even work through the pain - the strength is simply gone in my left arm. 

Now, the whiteboard reminds me everyday that it's all relative. It's more important for me to get healthy. At the same time I need to make sure I do what I can until I am again able to do pullups, toe to bars, dips, swings, and all. I am scared that I will have to relearn what has been difficult for me already. But I am even more scared that I will not be able to bring myself back on the whiteboard at all. Not only because I am competitive and like to have good numbers on there, but also because only the whiteboard really shows me how I am doing comparatively to others and how I am improving. 

I have eight more months before the next Regionals and I really want to kick ass on the big whiteboard that is the leaderboard. Making it on a team for MBS would be awesome. Qualifying as an individual seems out of reach considering that I will have to relearn a lot of the basics in a short time frame. But I can work on making my legs even more valuable and appreciate them for what thy make me do. Core work and legwork will dominate for another 1-2 months. Then, I hope I will be able to climb back up on the board and prove to myself that I can do whatever I set my mind to. 

I'm thankful for the whiteboard because it is what helps me keep my eyes on my goals. Even though it is sometimes a painful reminder of how much mental and physical work I have ahead of me.