We all have been to points in our lives at which we began to question:
Which route should I take?
Will I make the right choice?
Or, is it even worth it?
Many give up right at this point. They listen to all the nay-sayers, the non-believers, and those who simply do not know what we humans are actually capable of. Trapped in a system that is sick in its own way, I can't blame anyone who is unable to break free. I have been there myself probably more than I would like to admit. Yet, I have learned fromy past experiences that truly anything is possible. I just have to keep reminding myself of that lower that lives within.
When I started crossfit almost 2 years ago, I had no idea of what it would actually do to me and how important it would become in my life. At the same time, and as much as (or because of the fact that) I live crossfit so much, I need to look inside myself to anchor my feelings and to not get carried away in the storm I am I finding myself in right now.
Crossfit has changed me.
Yes, I have become physically strong. In fact, stronger than I ever thought I could be, but while the weight on my bar increased, I began to shed the burdens I was carrying inside. I had always tried to fit in. I wanted to be accepted, appreciated, acknowledged and recognized. In crossfit, this seemed to be happening. Even without looking good on the outside. I mean, have you ever seen the faces we make when we lift heavy weights? And for me, I turn tomato red with any physical activity already. A sweaty mess. So, I rid myself of the burden of becoming yet another "perfect woman," and felt I was returning to who I was supposed to be. A strong woman - inside and out.
But it's not just the sport hat did this to me. It's the community. Never have I felt more welcomed, accepted, and supported than in the crossfit community.
In fact, without it - I guarantee - I would have already given up and surrendered. I would be miserable. And worst of all, I would not have acted in my beat interest. My "fear of failure" would have won over my "thirst for success." Yes, I would be so miserable.
Although I must admit that i am getting increasingly frustrated about being injured and especially about being unable to do what I love (insert CrossFit), I am starting to appreciate the side of me that is usually pushed to the side: vulnerability.
It is difficult to step outside and see my neighbors who are all about 20-40 years older than me do yard work, walk their dogs or even go for a jog. It is even more difficult to get in the car and pass runners, cyclists and those, on the contrary, who sit at the bus stop smoking a cigarette throwing away heir health... Most difficult, however, is to go to the gym to do simple stretching exercises and easy, modifed movements while everyone around me is rigging the PR bell - loud and proud - as they should be.
Being supportive of them is important to me. I can be happy with them,bbut I admit that their successes can taste bitter sweet. This is where I am being tested, and this is where I grow stronger. I feed from this. I may not use the fuel just now, but I will when I return.
As much as I hate being injured, as much as I hate not being in control of my body, I am convinced that setbacks like these are put in our ways to challenge us to new levels, to overcome the impossible, and to advance in a way that we simply did not expect.
Most importantly: GIVING UP IS NOT AN OPTION!
Here are two stories (one in German and one in English) that basically talk about willpower, not giving up, and the possibilty of the impossible:
The German article is about Sami Khedira, a German soccer player (Nationalmannschaft) who suffered a typical soccer injury: Kreuzbandriss (= rupture of cruciate ligament). His quick recovery is said to be a combination of both, excellent medical help and his hard work. Two important factors in anyone's recovery. I'm clearly shooting for my part, and so far I am consulting any source I can to get the best medical help available to me.
In this one, we learn about Miranda Oldroyd, a female crossfit athlete who had a car accident that almost cost her her life. Her story is inspirational and reminds me of my situation. I am not going to give up. I'd rather become the beast of airsquats and pistols but I will not make my injury define me.
