15.1 at 28.5 weeks pregnant

I did the first 2015 Open WOD Rx'd. I am not going to submit my score. It was fun and frustrating at the same time. 

A year ago I was in pretty good shape: this year around I could have been in awesome shape and I guess given the circumstance - having had neck surgery barely 6 months ago and entering the 3rd trimester of pregnancy - I still am in good shape. 

I decided not to sign up for the open, however, to not get sucked in to comparing myself. Yet, my competitive mindset is upset about it. I am burning to compete again. Ugh.

So doing the first WOD of the open was quite interesting. My belly was in the way on T2B and I had been doing them on the rings recently. So, doing the WOD Rx'd basically meant being no-repped almost on every T2B. The deads and snatches at 75# were easy and quick. But I also only got through 3 rounds plus a couple of T2B. 

Yet, the clean and jerk was a fun event. I opened with 115, did one at 135, and 155. Not too bad. 

Obviously, I didn't push myself, and that's where the dilemma starts in my head: how could I have performed not being pregnant?! I will never know. Comparison is the thief of joy. I need to tell myself that.

In fact, at our gym the competiveness between some athletes is ridiculous! What happened to empowering one another? What happened to mutual support? Instead, they all try to our beat each other by doing the workout 2 or 3 times... I'd probably do it twice but

To beat my own score! Not somebody else's! I did not train the way they did, I did not prepare mentally or eat the way they did! How can I compare my physical state to theirs when t should be only about my own? Ugh. I hope when I do the open next year I will remind myself of this. 

This year, while it is frustrating not to go all out, I am observing the craziness of what is called the crossfit open!

CrossFit Withdrawal

While the Games ended today - Chapaeu, Froning and Leblanc-Bazinet - but  I already feel signs of "CrossFit withdrawal" that are expressed in mental obsession with, and anxiety about my performance and level of strength. I have been working so hard to get where I was and really don't want to lose any of my strength but instead I want to keep working on my weaknesses. But I cannot. I had to quit.

I am starting to freak out.
I don't want to start over nor do I want to accept it if I need to.

I'm trying to tell myself, that it will be ok, that I will just get super strong legs and work on my core. And that's what I am doing, but honestly, I feel like I won't be able to get my chest, shoulder and arm strength back as quickly as I would like to when I can work it again. If I can work it again: 

I'm also getting scared about my gymnastics. I mean I really need all he time I can get to work on my muscle up, my handstand walks, and aside of that my snatch. Let's say, I can return to my normal workout style in October, how long will it take me to get my strength back? How fast can I work on butterfly, and other drills?

Ugh, the metcon part will be ok. I have big tank and I usually only need a couple of months to get that in shape. But, the rest... 

And if I need hand surgery also I'm going to scream! Seriously. 

My game plan for now is: 

1. Rest my left hand and pray that the knot will just disappear;

2. Work on my core and legs;

3. Get the epidural injection in my neck;

4. Work on nutrition;

5. Stay sane and breathe.

Whiteboard obsessions

Ever been to a CrossFit gym? If so, you've probably seen a whiteboard with lots of names and numbers, and wondered "what the heck?!"

That was my first thought at least, whenever I began CrossFit. 

But, soon I found myself drawn to the board. I checked out other peeps' numbers and wondered if I would ever be able to get that Rx sign next to mine. I still don't have it on all WODs - especially not now that I can't do any upper body movements - but then, once I had it, I kept wondering if I can shave off seconds and minutes of my WODs - especially the benchmark WODs. I found myself liking the competition and I found myself liking getting  better at movements. 

I worked on getting double unders for probably 3 months after failing miserably on 13.3 and I still need to get more comfortable with them. Without the whiteboard I would not know this.  

The whiteboard constantly reveals to me what I need to work on. And of course, it makes you feel pretty good to see your name and number shows that you beat others'. Within a year I have improved tremendously not only on WODs but on lifts. I have kept pretty good track of my numbers since I started, and cannot complain that I was not getting stronger. 

Until now. Until my injury put my CrossFit life on hold. I should have taken that shoulder pain more seriously back in March. I should have rested and not competed at local competitions. But I did not imagine that it was that serious. So March through May I worked through the pain, even worked more on handstand walking and muscle ups. I wanted to keep my numbers up on the board.

I paid the price in June, when I realized that I needed to stop. Some days in May had already shown me that I needed to get this figured out. I started Physical Therapy, but whenever there was a WOD that would allow me to do well, I would do it. I hit lots of PRs April and May and strength-wise was probably right behind Andrea Ager at our gym. Deadlift 355#, Back squat 235#, Front squat  210#, Squat Clean 190#, clean and Jerk 180#, Jerk 185#, just snatch, press and bench were not improving. I hated the days at the gym on which the board would reveal my weaknesses, and I truly hated having to modify WODs. I was. terrified of losing upper body strength. However, cervical radiculopathy means weakness. So, I am in pain and I have lost strength. I can't do anything about it - not even work through the pain - the strength is simply gone in my left arm. 

Now, the whiteboard reminds me everyday that it's all relative. It's more important for me to get healthy. At the same time I need to make sure I do what I can until I am again able to do pullups, toe to bars, dips, swings, and all. I am scared that I will have to relearn what has been difficult for me already. But I am even more scared that I will not be able to bring myself back on the whiteboard at all. Not only because I am competitive and like to have good numbers on there, but also because only the whiteboard really shows me how I am doing comparatively to others and how I am improving. 

I have eight more months before the next Regionals and I really want to kick ass on the big whiteboard that is the leaderboard. Making it on a team for MBS would be awesome. Qualifying as an individual seems out of reach considering that I will have to relearn a lot of the basics in a short time frame. But I can work on making my legs even more valuable and appreciate them for what thy make me do. Core work and legwork will dominate for another 1-2 months. Then, I hope I will be able to climb back up on the board and prove to myself that I can do whatever I set my mind to. 

I'm thankful for the whiteboard because it is what helps me keep my eyes on my goals. Even though it is sometimes a painful reminder of how much mental and physical work I have ahead of me.