Whiteboard obsessions

Ever been to a CrossFit gym? If so, you've probably seen a whiteboard with lots of names and numbers, and wondered "what the heck?!"

That was my first thought at least, whenever I began CrossFit. 

But, soon I found myself drawn to the board. I checked out other peeps' numbers and wondered if I would ever be able to get that Rx sign next to mine. I still don't have it on all WODs - especially not now that I can't do any upper body movements - but then, once I had it, I kept wondering if I can shave off seconds and minutes of my WODs - especially the benchmark WODs. I found myself liking the competition and I found myself liking getting  better at movements. 

I worked on getting double unders for probably 3 months after failing miserably on 13.3 and I still need to get more comfortable with them. Without the whiteboard I would not know this.  

The whiteboard constantly reveals to me what I need to work on. And of course, it makes you feel pretty good to see your name and number shows that you beat others'. Within a year I have improved tremendously not only on WODs but on lifts. I have kept pretty good track of my numbers since I started, and cannot complain that I was not getting stronger. 

Until now. Until my injury put my CrossFit life on hold. I should have taken that shoulder pain more seriously back in March. I should have rested and not competed at local competitions. But I did not imagine that it was that serious. So March through May I worked through the pain, even worked more on handstand walking and muscle ups. I wanted to keep my numbers up on the board.

I paid the price in June, when I realized that I needed to stop. Some days in May had already shown me that I needed to get this figured out. I started Physical Therapy, but whenever there was a WOD that would allow me to do well, I would do it. I hit lots of PRs April and May and strength-wise was probably right behind Andrea Ager at our gym. Deadlift 355#, Back squat 235#, Front squat  210#, Squat Clean 190#, clean and Jerk 180#, Jerk 185#, just snatch, press and bench were not improving. I hated the days at the gym on which the board would reveal my weaknesses, and I truly hated having to modify WODs. I was. terrified of losing upper body strength. However, cervical radiculopathy means weakness. So, I am in pain and I have lost strength. I can't do anything about it - not even work through the pain - the strength is simply gone in my left arm. 

Now, the whiteboard reminds me everyday that it's all relative. It's more important for me to get healthy. At the same time I need to make sure I do what I can until I am again able to do pullups, toe to bars, dips, swings, and all. I am scared that I will have to relearn what has been difficult for me already. But I am even more scared that I will not be able to bring myself back on the whiteboard at all. Not only because I am competitive and like to have good numbers on there, but also because only the whiteboard really shows me how I am doing comparatively to others and how I am improving. 

I have eight more months before the next Regionals and I really want to kick ass on the big whiteboard that is the leaderboard. Making it on a team for MBS would be awesome. Qualifying as an individual seems out of reach considering that I will have to relearn a lot of the basics in a short time frame. But I can work on making my legs even more valuable and appreciate them for what thy make me do. Core work and legwork will dominate for another 1-2 months. Then, I hope I will be able to climb back up on the board and prove to myself that I can do whatever I set my mind to. 

I'm thankful for the whiteboard because it is what helps me keep my eyes on my goals. Even though it is sometimes a painful reminder of how much mental and physical work I have ahead of me.