36 weeks pregnant - BS PR & anxiety

Last week, at 36 weeks I PRd my backsquat. I hit 2reps at 240#. It was surprisingly easy, but I decided to not go to failure and stopped after the successful lift. 

I was proud of myself and then soon got annoyed by people telling me it was because I am pregnant. Guys, there is no scientific proof showing that women who are pregnant can lift heavier. I have been working hard and I am dedicated to my programming, despite the fact that I am pregnant. I have to force myself daily to even get out of bed! And I took off all of December because I could not get myself to even go for a run. 

Being pregnant is a struggle and I have not enjoyed any minute of it (thanks also to nausea and heartburn since week 8!). I don't even want to think about post partum. It's going to be hard! Harder than post neck surgery! I haven't given 100% at the gym in almost a year now and, honestly, it really sucks! I have seen my strength slip away and moments like last week make me happy and proud of what my body is capable of because of my dedication and perseverance not because I am pregnant. 

This being sad, I am now less than 4 weeks away from giving birth and I cannot wait. I also cannot wait to start working on my body again. I'm scared about the first month post partum and even more so the entire journey ahead. I have been reading through blogs and articles and information and experiences are really mixed. I have no idea what to expect.

Will I have issues with DRAM (diastasis recto in abdominal muscles)? Will my pelvic floor muscles or posture be different? Will kegels and TVA activation to rebuild inner core strength help? How long will it take? And will I be able to focus on my recovery while taking care of a newborn? 

It's this time in pregnancy where I am getting nervous and scared not just about child birth but about the time to come. 

And then there is my competitive mind screaming from the very back - because it's been placed on hold for so long. It's screaming because it's hungry and I truly do not want to shut it up just yet. I actually believe that I can do it. And I also believe that I can surprise myself because I have not yet shown what I am capable of. It's the not knowing that makes me anxious and impatient. But I have promised myself that I will not give up. This is just adding fuel to the fire. 

15.4 and 15.5 and pregnancy

For 15.4 I decided to mod the HSPUs. Just a few days before, I had done HSPUs in a WOD, but I didn't feel like it for 15.4. Instead I did the scaled version with 65# push press but heavier cleans at 105#. I got to 87 reps. Not great but not shabby. I didn't push myself too much. Recently, I have been concerned about getting my heart rate too much through the roof and aim to keep breathing steady. I am not wearing a heart rate monitor but I think I stay somewhere around 140-150.

I've been consistently doing strength class, however, and weightlifting really feels good. But I just get out of breath super quickly so anything tNg or more than 6reps at a time is challenging. 

 Similarly, I decided to go slow and steady  for 15.5. I'm usually a pretty good rower and like the damper set to a high resistance but I decided to keep it low  - at 5 - and keep cals per hour around 850 rather than 1100. I also took a "chalk" break after each row and then broke up the thrusters into 4 or 5's and sometimes rested on top: I did do the round of 9's unbroken though, and I wished I pushed myself a little more to hit sub 12 but 13:15 wasn't too bad. 

I was not out of breath and actually liked this WOD the most. It was the easiest of all to manage at 8 month pregnant. 

Just 7 more weeks to go. I cannot wait and I am also super excited to get on to  my new post-pregnancy training plan!! Maybe my husband and I will decide to better equip our garage gym - if not, I will just have to work around it and use what we have.  It will work out. 

15.2 and 15.3 pregnant modifications

I'm down to one digits now - only 9 weeks to go (hopefully) before my baby girl arrives!! I cannot wait and despite the nausea, heartburn and fatigue that I have gotten used to by now, the third trimester has been the best trimester for me so far.  

Working out has been far from easy but I can tell it has been good for me. 

I surely can't wait to dive back into giving 100% and pushing myself to higher limits and I believe I have said that before, but taking it a bit easier has taught me a lot as well. 

It's always just going to be ME against MYSELF - I don't care about comparing myself to others anymore. It's truly freeing. That does not mean I won't compete or sign up for the opens next year but it means that I will first see my performance in relation to my ability and then in relation to where I am compared to others. It's secondary. I have so many goals I want to reach that only I can work on. "The others "may be a pushing factor to reach these goals but that's really about it. 

In that mindset I did  15.2 and 15.3. I had to modify both WODs and since I did not like the scaled versions I just made my own. 

15.2: I did regular pullups and 55# OHS and got to 139 reps. I honestly did not want to finish that round and was happy to stop there :) my heart rate was getting a little too high as well and I am working on keeping it at bay. 

15.3: Instead of Muscle Ups I again just did regular pull-ups but I kept the wall balls at 14# with 50 reps and the DUs at 100 reps. I got through two rounds plus 8 reps , so a total of 322. Not too bad, considering how slow I went on WB and DUs. I broke WBs into 5's and DUS into 50 and then 25's on the second round. I also had to take breaks to breathe and get my heart rate under control. 

Both wods were fun and I would hope for 15.3 to be the one to be repeated next year so I can see how far I've come since neck surgery and having a baby! 

I'm kind of anxious but also excited to see how my body reacts after having a baby. But I know I will need a plan and set out goals. 

Competing at the Turkey Challenge in November will be one of the things I want to be able to do. And I want to do it well. But the next challenge will be 15.4 and 15.5 and then giving birth. 

30 weeks pregnant, lifting and WODing

Working up to a 80% (190#) 3 rep Backsquat

I am now 30 weeks pregnant and I grow more impatient every single day.
Luckily, I feel a bit better but I am still slow and out of breath after 2 sets of stairs. However, I can still lift weights and the sun started showing her face again!

I worked up to a 80% 3rep Backsquat the other day (190#), as well as to a Deadlift by feel but stopped at 235#. Yesterday, I practiced  split jerks and got to a 3 rep at 135#. I felt fairly strong. Even the WOD afterwards felt pretty good (I got almost 8 rounds of 12' AMRAP  5 G2OH / 10 DL at 95# and 15 BJs [but I did step ups to be safe!]).

Bodyweight movements have become increasingly difficult and, while I can still string 3 kipping pullups together, T2B are down to singles. BUT, that's ok. I am working on a training plan to rebuild core strength after delivery. The idea is to make sure I regain a strong basis of ab and core muscles as well as stamina before even thinking about getting back to 100% working out again. I will run, swim, walk, do light weights and bodyweight exercises.

I might drop out of Crossfit for the month of June when the baby is just a newborn and see how I can manage at-home-exercise first. But until then, I will be hitting the gym at least 5 times a week if at all possible.  Even though I am super tired and usually not motivated to do anything really, it does help me feel good about myself and actually energizes me at least for a short while. This being said, today I won't have time to workout, but I will make sure to see what 15.3 is going to be. I had to mod 15.2, so I am hoping for movements I can do Rx.

15.1 at 28.5 weeks pregnant

I did the first 2015 Open WOD Rx'd. I am not going to submit my score. It was fun and frustrating at the same time. 

A year ago I was in pretty good shape: this year around I could have been in awesome shape and I guess given the circumstance - having had neck surgery barely 6 months ago and entering the 3rd trimester of pregnancy - I still am in good shape. 

I decided not to sign up for the open, however, to not get sucked in to comparing myself. Yet, my competitive mindset is upset about it. I am burning to compete again. Ugh.

So doing the first WOD of the open was quite interesting. My belly was in the way on T2B and I had been doing them on the rings recently. So, doing the WOD Rx'd basically meant being no-repped almost on every T2B. The deads and snatches at 75# were easy and quick. But I also only got through 3 rounds plus a couple of T2B. 

Yet, the clean and jerk was a fun event. I opened with 115, did one at 135, and 155. Not too bad. 

Obviously, I didn't push myself, and that's where the dilemma starts in my head: how could I have performed not being pregnant?! I will never know. Comparison is the thief of joy. I need to tell myself that.

In fact, at our gym the competiveness between some athletes is ridiculous! What happened to empowering one another? What happened to mutual support? Instead, they all try to our beat each other by doing the workout 2 or 3 times... I'd probably do it twice but

To beat my own score! Not somebody else's! I did not train the way they did, I did not prepare mentally or eat the way they did! How can I compare my physical state to theirs when t should be only about my own? Ugh. I hope when I do the open next year I will remind myself of this. 

This year, while it is frustrating not to go all out, I am observing the craziness of what is called the crossfit open!

Week 24 - getting bigger

This post is from last week:

A year ago I wanted my muscles to get bigger, one year later and I am looking at my tummy to do so. 

I'm not going to lie, being pregnant for the first time teaches you a lot about body image and self perception. I lived through being overweight as a teenager and then being bulimic/anorexic through college until I finally started treatment at the end of 2008. I really started accepting my body once I started crossfit in 2012. It took a while but for the last 2 years I have been pretty comfortable in my body and even wanted to get bigger (muscles):

Well,  now I feel like I'm thrown back to those awful teenage years. I feel like a walrus, and, no, it's not because I'm pregnant and it's normal to gain weight - though I am thankful that's what society keeps telling me - it's because I am allowing myself to eat anything at anytime. Yes, that may be because I am pregnant. I may also have swollen ankles and hands and water retained in every cell. I'm trying to be ok with it. I'm trying to focus on keeping my unborn baby girl healthy. It's the same sentence over and over: It is only temporary. 

Once our little monkey is here I will be able to go 100% at the gym again and beat my PRS but for now I am holding back to protect my baby. It's my instinct and my motherly worries that make me do that. Before I was pregnant I would have never ever even thought about holding back. I would have probably judged (inside my mind) those who allowed themselves to indulge, lose discipline and gain unnecessary weight. 

But I get it now. It's not about me- it's all about the unborn life inside me now. It's not easy to be a pregnant mother, a soon-to-be first-time-mom and a person with past body image, food issues, a sense for competition and love for CrossFit. I know there are things in this world that are far worse but yet my struggles are valid and real - at least to me. 

I guess this post is just a brief reflection of my current state of mind, disorganized and self-absorbed. But I am just being honest about my feelings at 24 weeks pregnant and my painful reality of getting bigger. Truth is, I do not like being big and heavy without the strength and muscle that I used to have. And I am scared I will fall into that trap of giving in and not getting back on my feet. It was so hard as a teenager and I do not want to relive these emotions, yet, I am scared I can't get back to my fit self again. 

But I am working out. 

Today I just did some lifting:

Warm up

500m roe

Iron scap

500m row

Stretching and mobility

3RM OHS worked up to a "what felt heavy" 50kg

Then strength cycle work from MBS:
1. Clean 5 sets of 1 @ 65% of your 1RM Clean & Jerk @100/45. Level load across all 5 sets. Linear progression each week 2.5kg increase

2. Back squat, Start by working to 90% of your 1RM Back Squat which is currently 220/100 (so 200/90). 

Then, 1 drop set of 5 reps. Drop set at 13kg down so at 75kg

3. Deadlift, Work to a 3RM. Then, 1 drop set of 5 reps. Drop set at 30kg down if your 3RM is above 180kg. Drop set at 20kg down if your 3RM is below 180kg. Linear progression each week. Target a 10kg increase each week if your 3RM is above 180kg. Target a 5kg increase each week if your 3RM is below 180kg.

CrossFit Total - 22 weeks pregnant

A little over one year ago when I moved to Colorado and started at MBS, I did the CFT with

Backsquat 205

Press 95

Dead 305

= 605

My pre surgery and pre pregnancy CFT which I did around May 2014 was 

Backsquat 240

Press 105

Dead 330

= 675

Now, 5 month post-op and 22 weeks pregnant I am at

Backsquat 220

Press 95

Dead 275

= 590

Only 15Ibs below where I was a year ago. I am amazed about what the human body is capable of. In fact, the backsquats felt easy today but I am not maxing out while pregnant. My mind won't let me. The dead wasn't pretty but didn't feel heavy. And the press?! Well, I am still gaining back the strength in my neck and shoulders, and I felt and feel the loss of muscle here or anything overhead the most. 

But I must say, I am glad to be back at the bar. The cardio makes me sick so I am not seeing improvement there but that is ok. 

A friend pointed me to the article Elisabeth Akinwale just posted about pregnancy and fitness. http://elisabethakinwale.com/

She puts it in perspective. 

Today, I was just very happy with my results and the way I felt and that is a good thing. 

Pregnant in the weight room - week 21

I was sick and travelling all of December and finally started to go to WOD classes regularly again this week. Yes, I noticed how dramatically my strength has decreased over the last 1+ month. I also have no stamina - technically just no oxygen. I decided I needed to stick to a weightlifting program again in addition to wods. 

Monday I did CF 1 with my husband where we did medicine ball clans and push-ups - I used 14Ibs in the wod and did box push-ups since my belly is getting in the way. 

Wednesday we did a a death by dips (on box) and death by squat clean ladder at 3/4 of body weight (but I used 115Ibs). I did 12 and 9 rounds. I quit after 9 rounds because I did not want to push me. 

Generally,  I have been focusing a lot on form! 

Then, Thursday Jan 8th was my first day back in the weight room: 

Stretch 

mobi 

Warm up 

10 Minutes Stairs/tun

10 Minutes row 2201m

Snatch 

Work up to 80Ibs/39kg

Then drop to 55ibs/25kg 5TnG

Amrap 30 sec -10 reps

Front squat and Thruster 4x1+1

@65% fs should be 115 but Thruster didn't feel right so I did 110/55kg

Back squat 4x3 at 70% = 140Ibs/64kg

Friday I also did a 3RM at 195Ibs/89kg

backsquat in class followed by EMOM odd 30kb swings at 35 even rest 

x5 burpee pwbty per missed rep. Did 50 burpees. 

Sunday 

I did gymnastics class where we did some hand stands, skin the cat, and t2b (leg raises for me), bj's (step ups) and push-ups. 

Then in the weightroom:

1. Power clean + hang clean, 4×1+1. Each set is 1 Power Clean + 1 Hang Clean. Start at 65% of your 1RM Clean & Jerk = 100Ibs/45kg. Level load across all sets. Linear progression each week. Target 2.5kg increase each week if work sets are below 110kg.

2. Strict press, 3×3 @ 50% of your 1RM Clean & Jerk for men (40% for women). Level load across all sets. For me 65ibs/29kg. Target 2.5kg increase each week if work sets are below 90kg.

3. Deadlift, work up to a heavy triple @ 85% of your 1RM. For me should have been 215Ibs/97kg but I did 187/85. Then take 10% off the bar and do 2 drop sets of 5 reps.

It is really good to be back! It's so easy to  fall into that cycle of not going or feeling to tired and saying no to the gym. Being pregnant is also a valid excuse for everyone around me - though not for me really. I am not doing anything at high intensity but sometimes I do break a sweat. Usually, however, I just get out of breath and take my time to breathe. I have no idea if I should push through a little bit more but currently I am just happy I am making it back to the gym!

I miss the Texas weather and I am tired of the snow, the wet and the white cloudy sky. Seeing the mountain range wherever I go, though, is motivating but I scant go skiing so that stinks. 

Enough complaining, but I really just wanted to put things in perspective. It is ok to be a slacker sometimes! The better it is to find the mojo to get back into it again! 

Another positive side effect of not working out as much is that my ankle, ahoulder and hand seemed to have healed up! No injury complaints at all! Check. Another reason to fully focus on forum and work it up slowly!

Watch out, the preggers is back in the weightroom! 

Team WOD 20 versus 33 weeks

Today, I did a workout with my former comp partner and I felt like a lazy, slow slob. She is 33 weeks and kicked my butt! It's tough not to compare yourself to  someone who is in your shoes, farther along, and still killing the WODs. I asked myself what was wrong with me. I came to he conclusion that she is having a boy and I am having a girl - we both don't know th gender of our babies yet, so, obviously it's just a theory. 

I felt like I did my first Crossfit class ever today. Very interesting experience and very frustrating. I'm sore and tired. I am questioning it all. But I will try my best to keep going, improving and hopefully in a year from now be where I was a year ago or better ahead (or pregnant again...). 

Yet, it makes me feel better overall to workout despite the miserable condition I am in and despite all the anxiety it brings up. I just need to keep pushing while listening to my body.