Week 24 - getting bigger

This post is from last week:

A year ago I wanted my muscles to get bigger, one year later and I am looking at my tummy to do so. 

I'm not going to lie, being pregnant for the first time teaches you a lot about body image and self perception. I lived through being overweight as a teenager and then being bulimic/anorexic through college until I finally started treatment at the end of 2008. I really started accepting my body once I started crossfit in 2012. It took a while but for the last 2 years I have been pretty comfortable in my body and even wanted to get bigger (muscles):

Well,  now I feel like I'm thrown back to those awful teenage years. I feel like a walrus, and, no, it's not because I'm pregnant and it's normal to gain weight - though I am thankful that's what society keeps telling me - it's because I am allowing myself to eat anything at anytime. Yes, that may be because I am pregnant. I may also have swollen ankles and hands and water retained in every cell. I'm trying to be ok with it. I'm trying to focus on keeping my unborn baby girl healthy. It's the same sentence over and over: It is only temporary. 

Once our little monkey is here I will be able to go 100% at the gym again and beat my PRS but for now I am holding back to protect my baby. It's my instinct and my motherly worries that make me do that. Before I was pregnant I would have never ever even thought about holding back. I would have probably judged (inside my mind) those who allowed themselves to indulge, lose discipline and gain unnecessary weight. 

But I get it now. It's not about me- it's all about the unborn life inside me now. It's not easy to be a pregnant mother, a soon-to-be first-time-mom and a person with past body image, food issues, a sense for competition and love for CrossFit. I know there are things in this world that are far worse but yet my struggles are valid and real - at least to me. 

I guess this post is just a brief reflection of my current state of mind, disorganized and self-absorbed. But I am just being honest about my feelings at 24 weeks pregnant and my painful reality of getting bigger. Truth is, I do not like being big and heavy without the strength and muscle that I used to have. And I am scared I will fall into that trap of giving in and not getting back on my feet. It was so hard as a teenager and I do not want to relive these emotions, yet, I am scared I can't get back to my fit self again. 

But I am working out. 

Today I just did some lifting:

Warm up

500m roe

Iron scap

500m row

Stretching and mobility

3RM OHS worked up to a "what felt heavy" 50kg

Then strength cycle work from MBS:
1. Clean 5 sets of 1 @ 65% of your 1RM Clean & Jerk @100/45. Level load across all 5 sets. Linear progression each week 2.5kg increase

2. Back squat, Start by working to 90% of your 1RM Back Squat which is currently 220/100 (so 200/90). 

Then, 1 drop set of 5 reps. Drop set at 13kg down so at 75kg

3. Deadlift, Work to a 3RM. Then, 1 drop set of 5 reps. Drop set at 30kg down if your 3RM is above 180kg. Drop set at 20kg down if your 3RM is below 180kg. Linear progression each week. Target a 10kg increase each week if your 3RM is above 180kg. Target a 5kg increase each week if your 3RM is below 180kg.

CrossFit Total - 22 weeks pregnant

A little over one year ago when I moved to Colorado and started at MBS, I did the CFT with

Backsquat 205

Press 95

Dead 305

= 605

My pre surgery and pre pregnancy CFT which I did around May 2014 was 

Backsquat 240

Press 105

Dead 330

= 675

Now, 5 month post-op and 22 weeks pregnant I am at

Backsquat 220

Press 95

Dead 275

= 590

Only 15Ibs below where I was a year ago. I am amazed about what the human body is capable of. In fact, the backsquats felt easy today but I am not maxing out while pregnant. My mind won't let me. The dead wasn't pretty but didn't feel heavy. And the press?! Well, I am still gaining back the strength in my neck and shoulders, and I felt and feel the loss of muscle here or anything overhead the most. 

But I must say, I am glad to be back at the bar. The cardio makes me sick so I am not seeing improvement there but that is ok. 

A friend pointed me to the article Elisabeth Akinwale just posted about pregnancy and fitness. http://elisabethakinwale.com/

She puts it in perspective. 

Today, I was just very happy with my results and the way I felt and that is a good thing. 

Pregnant in the weight room - week 21

I was sick and travelling all of December and finally started to go to WOD classes regularly again this week. Yes, I noticed how dramatically my strength has decreased over the last 1+ month. I also have no stamina - technically just no oxygen. I decided I needed to stick to a weightlifting program again in addition to wods. 

Monday I did CF 1 with my husband where we did medicine ball clans and push-ups - I used 14Ibs in the wod and did box push-ups since my belly is getting in the way. 

Wednesday we did a a death by dips (on box) and death by squat clean ladder at 3/4 of body weight (but I used 115Ibs). I did 12 and 9 rounds. I quit after 9 rounds because I did not want to push me. 

Generally,  I have been focusing a lot on form! 

Then, Thursday Jan 8th was my first day back in the weight room: 

Stretch 

mobi 

Warm up 

10 Minutes Stairs/tun

10 Minutes row 2201m

Snatch 

Work up to 80Ibs/39kg

Then drop to 55ibs/25kg 5TnG

Amrap 30 sec -10 reps

Front squat and Thruster 4x1+1

@65% fs should be 115 but Thruster didn't feel right so I did 110/55kg

Back squat 4x3 at 70% = 140Ibs/64kg

Friday I also did a 3RM at 195Ibs/89kg

backsquat in class followed by EMOM odd 30kb swings at 35 even rest 

x5 burpee pwbty per missed rep. Did 50 burpees. 

Sunday 

I did gymnastics class where we did some hand stands, skin the cat, and t2b (leg raises for me), bj's (step ups) and push-ups. 

Then in the weightroom:

1. Power clean + hang clean, 4×1+1. Each set is 1 Power Clean + 1 Hang Clean. Start at 65% of your 1RM Clean & Jerk = 100Ibs/45kg. Level load across all sets. Linear progression each week. Target 2.5kg increase each week if work sets are below 110kg.

2. Strict press, 3×3 @ 50% of your 1RM Clean & Jerk for men (40% for women). Level load across all sets. For me 65ibs/29kg. Target 2.5kg increase each week if work sets are below 90kg.

3. Deadlift, work up to a heavy triple @ 85% of your 1RM. For me should have been 215Ibs/97kg but I did 187/85. Then take 10% off the bar and do 2 drop sets of 5 reps.

It is really good to be back! It's so easy to  fall into that cycle of not going or feeling to tired and saying no to the gym. Being pregnant is also a valid excuse for everyone around me - though not for me really. I am not doing anything at high intensity but sometimes I do break a sweat. Usually, however, I just get out of breath and take my time to breathe. I have no idea if I should push through a little bit more but currently I am just happy I am making it back to the gym!

I miss the Texas weather and I am tired of the snow, the wet and the white cloudy sky. Seeing the mountain range wherever I go, though, is motivating but I scant go skiing so that stinks. 

Enough complaining, but I really just wanted to put things in perspective. It is ok to be a slacker sometimes! The better it is to find the mojo to get back into it again! 

Another positive side effect of not working out as much is that my ankle, ahoulder and hand seemed to have healed up! No injury complaints at all! Check. Another reason to fully focus on forum and work it up slowly!

Watch out, the preggers is back in the weightroom! 

Team WOD 20 versus 33 weeks

Today, I did a workout with my former comp partner and I felt like a lazy, slow slob. She is 33 weeks and kicked my butt! It's tough not to compare yourself to  someone who is in your shoes, farther along, and still killing the WODs. I asked myself what was wrong with me. I came to he conclusion that she is having a boy and I am having a girl - we both don't know th gender of our babies yet, so, obviously it's just a theory. 

I felt like I did my first Crossfit class ever today. Very interesting experience and very frustrating. I'm sore and tired. I am questioning it all. But I will try my best to keep going, improving and hopefully in a year from now be where I was a year ago or better ahead (or pregnant again...). 

Yet, it makes me feel better overall to workout despite the miserable condition I am in and despite all the anxiety it brings up. I just need to keep pushing while listening to my body. 

My Truth about Staying in Shape during Pregnancy

Before I got pregnant I was in pretty good shape and I always told myself that when I get pregnant I will do everything to stay in shape. I said I didn't understand how women would not work out or how they would use pregnancy as an excuse. Well, hello reality! I very well understand  it now. 

During the first half of my first trimester I was still recovering from neck surgery but had kept my shape pretty well considering the circumstances. Then, nausea hit me and it wasn't just the kind of nausea that would go away with the simple tricks your doctor or the media would tell you. I had (and still have) extreme nausea and take medication to help ease it at least a little bit. 

Anyway, I still managed to make myself workout at least 4 times a week but then I got sick with the flu which I dragged with me for an entire month. It was  impossible for me to work out. I walked the dogs - that was it. I could watch myself, or my fitness that is, go to hell. I felt (and still feel) like a fat, lazy kid who enjoys eating more than physical activity. It scares me at times, because it is not like me at all.

Well after a month of laziness and overindulgence in "bad" or comfort foods I finally made it back to the gym again: 

We CrossFitters keep track of our times and I was by far the slowest on the board today. A year ago I would have laughed about this workout: today I cried. 

I realized that I am not that fit mom I always wanted to be. It is in fact not always that simple to be what you vision yourself to be, I already knew that, but I am very determined and I persevere. But this got mom ideal just doesn't seem to be working out for me at all even though I was in great shape before or when I got pregnant. 

At first, I felt like a failure, as if I let myself down because I let myself "go". But my truth is that I just listened to my body and that was to take a one month break and also to eat whatever I wanted. In the end I will be ok. Working out today felt like I started crossfit for the first time in my life but it also showed me that it is ok to be slower and weaker. I get a chance to start over in perfecting my movements and technique. 

It's not easy to accept to be less strong and slower than I used to but it is what it is and it does not mean that I am weak. After all, my body is changing in ways I have never experienced it. I guess what I am trying to say is that it is ok to be imperfect. Even though it is painful not to meet your own standards and ideals, it does not take away your worth. It is all relative. Life is unpredictable and provides the greatest challenges. All we need to do is accepting our truths.